Beasman loves Pat Kelsey's rat poison label for U of Smell fans
Author: NewsRadio 840 WHAS (WHAS-AM)
March 2, 2026
Duration: 5:24
The Beasman loves Mark Pope and UK's recent resurgence while Louisville's shorty short, peanut sized, little league loser Pat Kelsey is calling Cardinal fans rat poison.
With another huge S.E.C. victory over Vandy and two more showcase games this week, it looks like Big Blue Nation is on the rise while their rivals at U of Smell drift back into irrelevance. Louisville lost to inept Clemson over the weekend.
The Beasman taunts Larry Minner for pretending that he likes girl basketball whenever the Louisville men start fizzling into the darkness again. Too bad! So sad!
BEASMAN script 3-2-26
"HELLO STOOPID! (laffs) 50 YEARS OF STOOPID ON WH&S AND THEY AIN’T FIRED YOU YET! (laffs) THERE MUST BE A SHORTAGE OF OLD BALD GUYS WHO COULD BRING SOME CLASS TO THIS STATION! (laffs) WELL LARRY, SINCE YOU GONNA HANG AROUND, WELCOME TO MARCH, WHEN THE KENTUCKY WILDCATS RISE UP AND SHOW THE WORLD WHY WE IS KINGS OF COLLEGE BASKETBAW! MARCH COMES IN LIKE A WILDCAT AND GOES OUT LIKE A CHAMPEEN! U UH KAY ALL THE WAY! (laffs) TIME FOR 9! TIME FOR 9! BLUE GITS IN! BLUE GITS IN! (laffs) AWWWWWW C-A-T-S CATS! CATS! CATS! (laffs) MARK POPE USED TO SUCK BUT NOW HE DONE FIGGERED OUT US GOOD AND CLASSY CAT FANS WAS ABOUT TO TAKE CARE OF HIM LIKE TRUMP TOOK CARE OF THE I-RAN LEADER SO POPE WISED UP! (laffs) OF COURSE, POPE AIN’T NO KINNY PAYNE RE-PEAT…BUT YOU KNOW WHO IS? PAT KELSEY THE MIDGET! (laffs) LOSERVILLE IS CIRCLIN THE DRAIN AND ALL US GOOD AND CLASSY CAT FANS IS HERE FOR IT! (laffs) THEM CARDINAL BIRDS GOT HU-MILLER-FIIED AGAIN! (laffs) Y’ALL CARDINAL CONVICTS THOUGHT YOU WAS HOT STUFF BACK IN NOVEMBER WHEN YOU SOMEHOW BEAT KENTUCKY BUT THAT WAS FOOL’S GOLD! (laffs) Y’ALL CAINT BEAT NOBODY SINCE THEN AND KENTUCKY IS SLAPPIN DOWN ERRBODY GITTIN IN OUR WAY! BYE BYE, VANDERSMELT! SUCKS TO BE YOU, TENNERSEE, OKLAHOMO, PI-TEEN-ER, AND COACH CAL! (laffs) U UH KAY STEAMROLLED EM ALL! THE CATS IS ON FIRE! WE GONNA GIT TEXAS A&P NEXT, AND THEN GONNA GIT REE-VENCE ON FLAR-I-DER! (laffs) I LOVE IT! I HEAR TELL A BUNCH OF THE S.E.C. TEAMS IS JUST GONNA FAR-FIT GOIN TO THE CONFRENCE TOURNEYMINT CUZ THEY’S AFRAID OF FACIN KENTUCKY! (laffs) IT’S A GREAT TIME FOR ALL THE TEAMS IN THE A.P. TOP 25 PO. TEAMS LIKE KENTUCKY, ARIZO-MO, I-OWE-ER STATE, UCONN, LOSERVILL…OH WAIT…LOSERVILLE AIN’T IN THE TOP 25 NO MORE! (laffs) AWWW TOO BAD, SO SAD! DINT Y’ALL START THE SEASON RANKED #6? NOW YOU DONE FELL OFF THE MAP! BYE BYE, YOU DISGUSTING CARDINAL CONVICT, CHEATIN, WIFE BEATIN, NECK TATTOO, CROSS-EYED, GOLD TEETH, RAP MUSIC, CUSSIN AROUND CHILDREN, WELFARE STAMP, JOBLESS, BRAINLESS, SPINELESS, CROOKED TEETH, STINKBREATH LOSERVILLE FANS! YOUR MIDGET COACH EVEN CALLED YOU RAT POISON! (laffs) THE DWARF THAT COACHES YOUR TEAM LOST TO NOBODY CLEM-ZER THEN STOOD UP ON A MILK CRATE TO GIT IN YOUR UGLY LOSERVILLE FACES AND BLAME Y’ALL FOR HIS BAD COACHIN! (laffs) HE SAYS Y’ALL IS RAT POISON, AND SAYS HIM AND LOSERVILLE CARDINAL TEAM JUST IGNORES YOU AND ALL YOUR COMPLAININ ABOUT THEIR PATHETIC PLAY! (laffs) MIDGET PAT KELSEY SAYS HE GONNA GIT IT ALL FIGGERED OUT. (laffs) WHEN? NEXT SUMMER? MARCH MADNESS IS NOW, YOU SHARTY SHART PEANUT SIZE LITTLE LEAGUE LOSER! LOOKS LIKE U OF SMELL IS BEIN LED BY A CRABBY PIP SQUEAK, NOT NO BASKETBAW ROPE SCHOLAR LIKE MARK POPE! (laffs) I LOVE IT! YOU CARDINAL FRAUDS BETTER RUN AND BUY YOU FRONT ROW SEATS TO THE N.I.T. CUZ YOU AINT GOIN TO THE BIG DANCE UNLESS YOU’S A 16 SEED! (laffs) LIFE IS GOOD FOR US KENTUCKY FANS! THE CATS IS WINNIN AGIN AND LOSERVILLE IS CRYIN IN THEIR GHETTO SOUP! (laffs) LARRY, I HEAR YOU TAWKIN ABOUT ALL THESE NEW HOTELS THEY’S BUILDIN IN DOWNTOWN LOSERVILLE. (laffs) IS THAT A NICE WAY OF DESCRIBING MORE PRISONS? WHAT SANE PERSON WOULD BE A TOURIST IN YOUR HELLHOLE TOWN? (laffs) PACK YOUR BAGS, CAT FANS! OUR PRECIOUS WILDCATS IS GONNA GO CHASE TITLE #9! MEANTIME, LARRY AND HIS LOSERVILLE RAT POISON FANS WILL RUN OUT AT NIGHT TO STEAL NEW TVs SO THEY GOT A VIEW TO...
