Fear or Love talk with Denise at newparadigmoflove.org
Jevon Perra opened the discussion by establishing that miracles have no order of difficulty and are shifts in perspective from fear to love, as defined by Denise Darlene, who also explained that healthy boundaries are rooted in self-sovereignty and clarity and not fear-based, addressing a question from Soo Kim about the divine feminine and boundaries. Denise Darlene introduced trust and honesty as the first two characteristics of "God's teachers," shared details of her marriage with Joe where she offered 100% freedom and non-attachment, and suggested a healing process for triggers, which was relevant to kristen who shared they were undergoing cancer treatment and experiencing intense fear; finally, Jevon Perra announced they were quitting their job, which Denise Darlene, Leila Fung, and kristen supported.
Principles of Miracles and Order of Difficulty Jevon Perra opened the discussion by reading a passage from A Course in Miracles emphasizing that there is no order of difficulty in miracles, and all expressions of love are maximal, while the source of miracles is what truly matters (00:00:00). Denise Darlene defined a miracle as a shift in perspective from fear to love, which can be consciously chosen by seeking a loving meaning in events (00:01:35). Jevon Perra shared a personal anecdote about a challenging trip to Costa Rica where they realized that obstacles could be viewed as opportunities for adventure rather than battles (00:02:58).
Choosing Meaning and Perception Jevon Perra concluded that everyone is the "meaning machine," choosing between a fearful, angry story or a loving, fun story for any given circumstance (00:05:21). They connected the idea of miracles occurring naturally as expressions of love, where the real miracle is the inspiring love itself (00:06:26). Jevon Perra emphasized that choosing love is a simple choice, not something that requires achievement or external criteria, asking why anyone would choose "crazy" instead of that peaceful, loving state (00:07:53).
Presence and Fear Denise Darlene asserted that being present in the moment is key to making loving choices, as fear is typically about the future or past interpretations (00:09:00). Soo Kim showed an oracle card from A Course in Miracles that speaks to the idea that everything that happens is gently planned for one's highest good, which can shift a state of fear (00:10:18). Jevon Perra reflected on how previous difficult life events, like moving to Missouri and leaving Fresno, ultimately led to a wonderful current relationship, suggesting that perhaps everything happening is the best thing possible (00:13:38) (00:15:22).
Intimate Connection and Self-Reflection Jevon Perra shared how being open and engaging with everyone during their trip to Costa Rica led to wonderful intimate connections and gifts, concluding that the main difference in the experience was themself (00:15:22). They questioned if they were truly creating their own heaven or hell regardless of external circumstances (00:17:31).
Divine Feminine, Boundaries, and Love Soo Kim raised a question about the distinction between the divine feminine, which extends love, and the profane feminine, which might allow being "walked all over," particularly concerning setting boundaries without enabling others (00:17:31). Denise Darlene responded that boundaries are natural when one is in a state of love and peace, contrasting this with fear-based boundary setting (00:20:34). Denise Darlene emphasized that healthy boundaries are rooted in self-sovereignty and clarity, and the other person does not have to agree (00:21:44).
Trust and Honesty as Characteristics of God's Teachers Denise Darlene introduced the first two characteristics of "God's teachers" from the manual of A Course in Miracles: trust, followed by honesty (00:23:19). She stated that only those who truly trust can be truly honest, and many people live lies as part of codependent behavior, which is an attempt to be loved (00:21:44). Denise Darlene recommended Byron Katie's work as helpful for addressing codependency (00:23:19).
Self-Awareness and Guilt Soo Kim became emotional, realizing how little they knew themself and expressing guilt over projection, which Denise Darlene acknowledged as a beautiful insight (00:25:43). Denise Darlene suggested that guilt comes from fear-based judgment, and a first step is to drop judgment and look at past choices through a "filter of neutrality," recognizing that the meaning was decided by the individual (00:27:31). She added that people are essentially "innocent and wounded," and judgments over choices have nothing to do with their eternal self (00:28:44).
Authenticity, Freedom, and Non-Attachment in Relationships Jevon Perra asked Denise Darlene to share about the beginning of their marriage with Joe, specifically how she committed to never making him "bad" and giving him 100% freedom, even regarding sexual relationships (00:30:16). Denise Darlene explained that love is freedom, and she wanted Joe to be entirely authentic, even though they were coming out of long relationships (00:31:44). She stated that she gave Joe permission to be authentic, believing that any trigger was her own wound to work on, not Joe's problem (00:34:19).
Navigating Relationship Boundaries and Personal Healing Denise Darlene shared that her boundary with Joe was that she required a monogamous relationship, and if he chose otherwise, she would leave, which was her truth (00:35:28). She noted that Joe was actually monogamous, but the "free pass" allowed them to explore authenticity. The experience helped Denise Darlene overcome the lie that she "didn't matter," realizing her worth and that Joe's initial reluctance was a "gift" from God to facilitate her internal work. Denise Darlene stressed the Buddhist law of non-attachment and accepting the love one already is, which Joe helped her develop (00:36:37) (00:56:47).
The Ego, Fear, and the Path to Freedom kristen expressed that the lessons shared were difficult, with Denise Darlene affirming that addressing these things is challenging for the ego. Denise Darlene proposed that earth is a school to transcend ego patterns, and fear is an invitation to look at what is disrupting one's peace and love (00:37:48). She mentioned that awareness is 80% of the work in shifting out of fear, and tools like the Enneagram can help identify and stop ego patterns (00:40:21).
Addressing Fear and Illness kristen shared they were undergoing cancer treatment, experiencing intense fear and noticing a change in themself, leading to anger and fighting with family (00:41:45). Denise Darlene suggested that kristen’s anger and resentment might be old, buried issues surfacing now because they are in a weakened state and cannot suppress them anymore (00:45:36). Denise Darlene proposed that this difficult experience is kristen’s "classroom," a path to freedom and their true identity of love, because the roots of old patterns need to be pulled up (00:47:08) (00:49:42).
Process for Healing Triggers Denise Darlene outlined a specific healing process for triggers: locate the tension in the body, ask the feeling what it is and what it is here to teach (00:51:59). She explained that triggers reveal a lie (a subconscious belief) that needs to be replaced with the truth through repetition, providing the example of replacing "I don't matter" with the truth (00:53:15). A final step involves watching the anxiety or negative emotion in the body with the mind’s eye until it dissipates (00:57:44).
Allowing Energy to Move Through Denise Darlene shared a technique for managing emotions by focusing the mind's eye on the energy to prevent it from "telling stories," which are what keeps people trapped in emotions. They explained that when the mind is focused, it can only do one thing at a time, allowing the energy, like a cloud, to move through. Jevon Perra expressed gratitude for Denise Darlene's service and love, noting that serving people is part of them (00:59:11).
Denise Darlene's Services and Availability Jevon Perra mentioned that Denise Darlene does coaching and retreats, which is one of the main ways they share their work. Leila Fung and kristen expressed interest in the retreats, with Jevon Perra offering to text kristen Denise Darlene's contact information. Jevon Perra also noted that Denise Darlene is like a mother and a great friend, calling them "so pretty," to which Denise Darlene and Leila Fung responded with gratitude and agreement (01:00:34).
