REST IN GOD (when things feel f#@k'd). ACIM Lesson 109.

• Morning Gathering and Spiritual Reading Denise Darlene joined Jevon Perra and later Soo Kim for a morning session. Denise Darlene shared a reading from the deck about being "sustained by the love of God," which she said was chosen randomly. Jevon Perra expressed that the concept of being sustained by God's love was helpful, especially in the context of personal "freaking out about sustenance" due to considering quitting a job to start a new venture (00:00:38).
• Conflict of Thought Systems Jevon Perra described two conflicting internal conversations: one promoting "massive activity" out of fear of financial doom and the other, which is more aligned with Denise Darlene's teachings, emphasizing sustenance from God's love and the release of attachments to accomplishments. Denise Darlene confirmed that the fearful voice, which Jevon Perra feels is only focused on activity as hope, is the "ego voice," and awareness of this voice is 80% of the work in overcoming such struggles (00:02:01) (00:04:36).
• Ego and the Fear of Failure Denise Darlene explained that the ego is afraid of failure because it understands its limitations, recounting a personal anecdote from a coaching session where she was told, "Oh, you don't" matter when expressing a fear of not mattering if she did not produce something (00:04:36). She stressed that trying to matter or achieve, driven by ego beliefs, will never work, which Jevon Perra confirmed based on personal "data" that shows they are financially secure yet still driven by the "accomplishment muscle" (00:05:48). Jevon Perra noted that this activity acts as a distraction from the stillness, which feels like "dying" to the ego mechanism (00:07:06).
• Discipline and Spiritual Perspective Denise Darlene advised Jevon Perra to practice discipline by being still and letting the fearful ego thoughts arise and pass without attaching to them, which she suggests is essential for discovering deeper issues (00:08:35). She stated that Jevon Perra's perspective is flawed by focusing on an amount of money rather than acknowledging oneness with God, reinforcing the spiritual perspective that God is the sole source of supply. Denise Darlene referenced Christian mystic Joel Goldsmith's teaching, which redirects focus from physical senses to spiritual reality, similar to the principle in A Course in Miracles that things do not have the meaning placed upon them by the observer (00:09:41).
• Oneness with God and Non-Doing Denise Darlene emphasized that the spiritual filter of "oneness with God" means "all that God is and all that God has is already present," and Jesus taught to "seek ye first the kingdom of heaven within," implying taking no thought for material needs. Jevon Perra likened their addiction to accomplishment to an addiction to food, where they continue the activity they know instigates suffering while attempting to release the attachment to it (00:12:24). Denise Darlene clarified that one is "inspired to do things" but is "not the doer," suggesting the distinction lies in the motivator: ego-driven action for external validation versus altruistic action as an act of love with no attachment (00:13:48).
• Grace and Allowing the Ego to Collapse Denise Darlene framed personal success around "grace," stating that one should not take credit for successes or failures because "God is doing everything" (00:16:53) (00:20:39). Jevon Perra agreed that the feeling of doing, even making a mistake, is often the ego jumping in after the fact (00:22:03). Denise Darlene encouraged Jevon Perra to allow the full "collapse" and "death" of the ego structure, which is necessary for freedom, noting that it can happen in a "holy instant" or through struggle, but requires a "tiny bit of willingness" (00:23:40).
• The Question of Willingness Soo Kim expressed difficulty in differentiating between ego-driven effort and genuine spiritual surrender, questioning if their willingness to see things differently might be a form of "spiritual bypassing". Denise Darlene stated that the question of genuine willingness can only be answered by the individual and challenged the participants on whether they are willing to let their "entire ego structure die," addressing the ego's powerful fear of physical death associated with this surrender (00:25:02) (00:27:55). Soo Kim admitted an unwillingness to allow themselves or their families to be homeless, while Denise Darlene countered by citing the examples of influential devotees who took vows of poverty, emphasizing that true faith requires the willingness to "let it all go" (00:30:47) (00:33:22).
• Attachment and Spiritual Practice Jevon Perra shared a story about attachment to an impossible past relationship ruining a current one, relating it to their own internal attachment to accomplishment for "fulfillment, peace, contentment" despite knowing intellectually that these are not achieved through accomplishment (00:33:22) (00:36:01). Denise Darlene read Lesson 109 from A Course in Miracles ("I rest in God"), highlighting the power of this thought to bring rest, peace, and stillness amidst the world's turmoil (00:47:04). She suggested the phrase is worthy of a tattoo as a constant reminder (00:50:08).

Personal Story of Trust and Provision Denise Darlene shared a personal experience where she believed her first husband, Tim, was the source of income, leading to God allowing that provision structure to collapse in order for her to shift her faith to God as the sole provider (00:40:13). She recounted hitting the floor in hysteria and yelling, "I do not trust you," but was immediately provided for through her pastor (00:41:39). This experience anchored her understanding, leading to a shift where she now accepts pauses in work as time to rest, trusting God's perfect timing and provision (00:44:05).