18: The Affair Started Before You Found Out: Healing From the Lies, Gaslighting & Betrayal

18: The Affair Started Before You Found Out: Healing From the Lies, Gaslighting & Betrayal

Author: Monica Humpal, MCC September 1, 2026 Duration: 46:46

Finding out about an affair is devastating. But for many betrayed partners, the pain doesn't begin or end with Discovery Day.

As you look back, you may realize there were months or even years of lies, emotional distance, blame shifting, gaslighting, criticism, or being made to believe that you were the problem. Suddenly, you're not only trying to heal from infidelity. You're trying to make sense of a period of your life that wasn't what you thought it was.

In this episode of Betrayed & Stayed, we're talking about the often-overlooked part of betrayal trauma: healing from what happened before you knew about the affair.

We'll talk about rebuilding trust in your own instincts, processing the way you were treated during the affair, separating relationship problems from responsibility for betrayal, and learning how to look at your past without allowing the affair to rewrite your entire story.

Because D-Day didn't create the betrayal. It revealed it. And healing isn't only about learning to trust your partner again. It's also about learning to trust yourself.

Work with me: https://monicahumpal.com/appointments/

Join my private facebook group for betrayed women who choose reconciliation: https://www.facebook.com/groups/wiveswhostay

 


Walking through the aftermath of infidelity while choosing to remain in the relationship is a path few understand, and Betrayed & Stayed exists specifically for that journey. Host Rev. Monica Humpal brings a unique perspective as someone who has lived through the betrayal herself and now works as a Master Certified Coach. Each episode feels like a candid conversation in a trusted space, tackling the complex layers of grief, the slow rebuilding of trust, and the practical realities of setting boundaries. This isn't about simplistic advice or pretending the process is easy. Instead, you'll hear genuine discussions about what forgiveness can and cannot mean, the emotional labor of true reconciliation, and how to navigate the days when hope feels thin. Designed for both men and women, the podcast provides a blend of personal reflection and actionable wisdom, acknowledging the pain while focusing on the deliberate work of rebuilding something new from the fragments. If you're looking for real talk without the sugar-coating, this is a place to find solidarity and grounded guidance.
Author: Language: en-us Episodes: 22

Betrayed & Stayed
Podcast Episodes
8: Inside the Mind of An Unfaithful Man (Part 1) [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 1:03:06
This is a conversation that has been asked for over and over again from my listeners, clients, and Facebook group members. Finding an unfaithful person willing to be vulnerable and honest with a conversation such as this…
7: Stop Doing the "Pick Me" Dance During Affair Recovery [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 28:16
After infidelity, it's easy to slip into what I call the "pick me" dance… trying harder, giving more, being easier to love, all in an effort to feel chosen again. In this episode, we're not talking about why you do it. Y…
6: Do Men & Women Experience Betrayal Differently? [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 46:44
I have been waiting so long to have this conversation with a betrayed man. As a coach that primarily works with women, I have had one long-term betrayed male client. And I noticed some differences with how he processed b…
5: How to Stop Reliving the Affair [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 38:25
Are you stuck replaying the affair in your mind? If you're experiencing intrusive thoughts after cheating, graphic "mind movies," obsessive replay, or nighttime anxiety, this episode is for you. After infidelity, your br…
Bonus Episode: Don't Believe Everything You Hear About Infidelity [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 19:25
We hear so many things about infidelity on social media. The good, the bad, and the ugly. Some of it is mostly true. Some is just nonsense. And most is based on opinions that come from personal experience. Either way, wh…
4: Rebuilding Trust After Infidelity [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 36:41
After infidelity, many betrayed partners want to trust again — but find they simply can't. In this episode, we talk about why trust doesn't return through promises, reassurance, or willpower, and what actually helps rebu…
3: Why You Can't 'Just Move On' After Infidelity [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 36:27
You chose to stay after infidelity. So why does it still hurt so much? In this episode, we talk about why betrayed partners can't simply "move on," even when the affair is over and they've decided to stay. This isn't wea…
Bonus Episode: You Don't Have to Earn Fidelity [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 14:54
In this bonus episode, I respond to a popular influencer whose content focuses on teaching people how to "keep their partner happy." While this message can sound harmless or even helpful, it often carries a deeper and mo…
2: I Stayed After Infidelity ... Now What? [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 37:29
What happens after you decide to stay — even temporarily — following infidelity? For many betrayed partners, staying doesn't bring relief. It brings confusion, shame, pressure, and a constant sense of urgency to "figure…
1: Why I Hate New Year's Resolutions (Especially After Betrayal) [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 28:02
New Year's resolutions promise fresh starts—but after betrayal, they often leave us feeling behind, ashamed, or broken. In this first episode of Betrayed & Stayed, Monica explores why traditional goal-setting fails those…