31. Sex FAQs - How do I Manage Mismatched Libidos?

31. Sex FAQs - How do I Manage Mismatched Libidos?

Author: Sara Tang, Sexologist & Coach May 25, 2020 Duration: 52:42

Sexual desire, or libidos, naturally ebb and flow. Sometimes over a course of a single day. So one of the most common challenges that couples face in relationships is a loss of desire or mismatched libidos. Often in these situations, sex begins to feel like a chore or a performance, which leads to further avoidance.

 

On this Sex FAQs episode, Sara and relationship coach, Valentina Tudose from Happy Ever After tackle common questions crowdsourced from listeners around the topics of desire, and how to take sex from performance to pleasure:

  1. "How can we restart our sex life after having a baby? I'm in the mood more often than my wife, but hesitant to bring it up with her as I'm afraid it will lead to conflict."
  2. "I have a far stronger libido than my partner. When we do have sex, it tends to be the same every time, without much enthusiasm and passion. We've talked about it but she just doesn't have the same interest in it that I do."
  3. "I've always thought of sex as a performance and for my partner's pleasure rather than myself. When my partner asks me what I want, I find myself not knowing what I want as well. Is there anything that can help him and us?"
  4. "I used to enjoy sex but find myself avoiding it because it feels like too much hard work and gives me very little pleasure. I focus so much on not coming too fast that it takes me ages to get there and I sometimes just give up. What can I do to learn to enjoy it again?"
  5. "I have been trying to get my wife pregnant but it seems my body disagrees. I am having trouble getting hard and when it happens, it only lasts a short time. Please help."

 

Valentina and Sara talk about broadening the experience of sex beyond just orgasm, and approaching it with a sense of curiosity, fun and playfulness. Adopting a "performance mindset" around sex (i.e. reaching orgasm) usually results in unsatisfying sex, and lead to couples overlooking other ways of building physical and emotional intimacy.

We also discuss strategies for couples to introduce novelty, explore each other's bodies, and take responsibility for their own sexual pleasure.  After all, sexual desire is built on the assumption that you're having the kind of sex that is worth craving!

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P.S. If you've gotten value from this podcast, please support my work as a creator by leaving a review or buying me a coffee. :)


Ever wondered what happens when you take the awkwardness out of talking about sex and replace it with genuine curiosity and a bit of humor? That’s the space Better in Bed | A Sex & Sexuality Podcast with Sarasense occupies each week. Hosted by sexologist and coach Sara Tang, these conversations feel more like insightful chats with a knowledgeable friend than a clinical lecture. The podcast moves freely across topics tied to health, culture, and our personal relationships, reflecting the many ways sexuality touches our lives. You’ll hear honest discussions that demystify desires, tackle societal taboos, and explore the practical aspects of intimacy, all with a refreshingly light touch. It’s not about prescribing one right way; it’s about creating a comfortable environment for exploration and self-discovery. Whether the subject is fitness, communication, or cultural norms, Sara’s approach normalizes asking questions we often keep to ourselves. Tuning into this podcast means joining a dialogue that prioritizes understanding over judgment, and playfulness over pressure. The result is a collection of episodes that genuinely aim to make conversations about sex-and the experiences themselves-feel more accessible and significantly less intimidating for everyone involved.
Author: Language: English Episodes: 58

Better in Bed | A Sex & Sexuality Podcast with Sarasense
Podcast Episodes
48. Sex FAQs - How Do I Build My Sexual Confidence? [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 40:33
What helps you build sexual confidence? Sex is a vulnerable act, and fear and self-doubt can often arise in situations where things don't go according to our expectations. On this thoughtful FAQ episode, Sara and relatio…
47. Threesomes, Foursomes & Moresomes with Vonny Lang [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 1:13:25
Is three always a crowd? Apparently not when it comes to group sex encounters - since studies say that having a threesome is one of the most popular sexual fantasies. On this episode, Sara and co-host Jannus sit down wit…
46. Sex FAQs - How do I Open My Relationship? [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 44:07
Curious to try an open relationship, but don't know quite where or how to start? On this episode, Sara chats with relationship coach Valentina Tudose (http://happyeverafter.asia) to answer your most common questions abou…
45. Sex FAQs - Performance Anxiety & Penis S.O.S. [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 52:37
Ever been in a sexual situation where your - or your partner's - penis wasn't doing exactly what you wanted it to do? Penis issues are incredibly common, yet they are often accompanied by stress, fear, anxiety, and shame…
44. Self-Love is Sexy [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 1:06:43
How does self-love help us have a better sex life? On this uplifting episode, Sara sits down with co-host and relationship coach Valentina Tudose of Happy Ever After to discuss the principles of self-love and how they ap…
43. Rekindling Sexual Desire [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 58:03
How can we rekindle the sexual desire for a long-term partner? Or is desire always destined to fade? On this pre-Valentine's Day episode, Sara chats with Dr. Kristin Zeising, a clinical psychologist and certified sex the…
42. The Art of Erotic Touch [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 57:16
How are you incorporating erotic touch into your sex life? On this sensual episode, Sara chats with sex educator and founder of Confident Lovers, Christina Antonyan and co-host Kat Leung about the art of erotic touch. To…
41. Sex Toys & Your Sexual Health [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 36:22
Can sex toys be good for our sexual - and overall - health? Many of us regard sex toys as tools of pleasure, but this informative episode will help you to rethink the possibilities of sex toys, and how you're using them.…
40. Becoming Sexually Assertive & Dominant with Mistress Eva Oh [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 1:02:29
How can you be more sexually assertive and dominant in the bedroom? Sara co-hosts this episode with kink coach Jannus, and we chat with guest Mistress Eva Oh, a professional dominatrix about her journey into BDSM. We dis…
39. Hotter Sex on Holiday [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 53:16
Why is sex always so hot when you're on holiday? In this hilarious episode, Sara chats with sex-positive friends Kat and Will, about some fun and exciting holiday sex encounters. Holiday sex brings out a sense of adventu…