329: How do you stay grounded when she's dysregulated (upset, stressed, anxious, angry, etc.)? (ft. Jason Lange)

When your partner gets anxious or upset, do you feel like it's your fault or that you have to fix it immediately? How able are you to stay grounded and feel your own self, even amidst her storm/upset?

Ever found yourself doing anything to calm her down -- because your sense of being OK was contingent upon her feeling OK? (We find this common in the men with whom we work.

Here, we talk about how to stay grounded even when she's going through it. We outline how to know what's actually going on for you in those moments, how to "interrupt" the sense of compulsion around fixing it, and what a deep offering it is to maintain your own, separate nervous system instead of merging with hers.

As Jason says, now that he has become more skilled in this area, “I can be connected to her without being swallowed up by what’s going on for her.”

Whether it's in sex, dating, or a committed relationship, you will be more stable, reliable, and frankly sexy partner when you learn to master this.

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Memorable quotes from this episode:

• “When she would get dysregulated, I would get dysregulated."
• “Avoiding conflict often tends to create more conflict.”
•  “If my partner isn’t feeling well, it feels like it’s my fault.”
•  “Oh wow, her nervous system is not my nervous system.”
•  “I’m here with it, whatever it is — and I’m being impacted.”
• “It’s OK to be messy and imperfect.”