355: ‘I thought being a good husband meant putting others’ needs ahead of mine (ft. Jason Lange)

What does it mean to be a good husband?

Many men we work with were trained to take care of everyone else before themselves. They often feel burnt out, and like they don't get nearly as much back as they give.

If you've ever felt like you've tried everything you can to make your woman happy, but this only results in both of you being miserable ... you might be able to relate.

Or perhaps you've lived some version of, "No matter how hard I try to please her -- how much I do -- it's never enough."

Here, we talk about why this is. If he's bending over backwards to do what he thinks she wants, why doesn't it work?

The answer lies in part with polarity, in part with childhood trauma (because of course), and in part with the fallacies of being a lone wolf.

Related questions we cover:

• What does it mean to be a provider in modern times? (Hint: It's got nothing to do with money)
• How does this pattern impact sexual polarity?
• If it's not about sacrifice, then what does it actually mean to be a good husband?

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Work with us

Want to go deeper than the podcast? Jason and I are ready to work with you! We specialize in helping men break old patterns and transform their sex & love lives for good. If you're looking for high-quality relationship advice, we've got it.

To see if there's a fit for our flagship program Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)

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Memorable quotes from this episode:

• “If we’re used to taking care of everyone else, we’ll often attract someone who needs to be taken care of.”
• “The trouble with ‘please and appease’ is that it leads to deep resentments.”
• “We have this fantasy that if she were happy, she'd naturally give me what I need, whether sexual connection, support, time, etc.”
• “When we feel a partner not respecting themselves, it causes contempt or disdain.”
• “What it means to be a provider is changing.”
• “The most valuable status is connection to community.”
• “Our relationships should be a source of wellness.”

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Mentioned on this episode:

• Dear Men 196: Were you a child of emotional neglect?
• Dear Men 345: The 4 male "types" who partner with Borderline women (Borderline Personality Disorder)
• Dear Men 292: Sex life with your wife not where you want it to be? This could be the culprit