378: 'It’s never been natural for me to reach out when I’m in the sh*t’ (ft. Jason Lange & Luke Adler)

378: 'It’s never been natural for me to reach out when I’m in the sh*t’ (ft. Jason Lange & Luke Adler)

Author: Melanie Curtin September 12, 2025 Duration: 1:14:56

When things are bad, are you good at asking for support?

More than once, we've had clients disappear for a bit, and upon reappearing say things like, "Sorry, I just had one of the worst weeks of my life last week."

And we wonder: Why, during some of your darker times, are you not reaching out for love?

Here we break down the reasons why this pattern exists. Why is it so hard for men in particular to ask for help? What helps shift a man from this kind of pattern into a healthier one of interdependence?

And how does all of this show up in a marriage, love relationship, or even in dating? Because make no mistake -- it does.

If you want to be successful with women, be the best husband you can be, or just feel more settled, grounded, and confident when it comes to dating or relating, check this out.

Support the podcast and join The Heart of Shadow at melaniecurtin.com/heartofshadow

Work with us

Ready to go deeper than the podcast and take action? Jason and I can help you break old patterns and transform your sex & love life for good. To see if you're a fit for our flagship program, Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)

---

Memorable quotes from this episode:

  • “You don’t know the love that you’re missing.”
  • “I don’t want to share this because it could be ammo for attack.”
  • “Men don’t want to be a burden, and ‘put their feelings on someone else.’”
  • “I’ve been there — men hold it all inside.”
  • “I gotta go back to that stoic man who doesn’t need other people.”
  • “We don’t trust society. We don’t trust culture.”
  • “So much of the wounding men carry come from peer relationships when they were young.”
  • “When one man brings forth the truth or vulnerability, it inspires the other men.”
  • “Every time a man disrupts this kind of culture, you’re lighting the way for another man.”
  • “When we collapse and don’t reach out, there’s something in the background: This belief that there’s not enough. Not enough money, not enough money, not enough women.”
  • “Is my wife gonna still love me tomorrow?”
  • “What is masculinity? That’s the debate we’re having right now as a culture.”
  • “It just leaps out of our hearts.”
  • “It’s moving from ‘I am alone’ to ‘I belong.’”
  • “By joining the group, you actually become more yourself.”
  • “The shared value is: We want to grow.”
  • “As I was running myself ragged, I was running my wife ragged.”
  • “I’m just going to be here with you in it.”

Melanie Curtin hosts Dear Men: How to Rock Sex, Dating, and Relationships With Women, a space where curiosity meets practical change. This isn't about memorizing pick-up lines or playing games; it's built on the idea that genuine personal growth is the most attractive quality a man can develop. The conversations here move beyond surface-level tips to explore the deeper dynamics of connection, drawing from insights across health, culture, and psychology. You'll hear from women who offer a candid look into what fosters real attraction and lasting partnership, providing a valuable perspective often missing from mainstream advice. Each episode tackles the honest questions and challenges men face, whether navigating early dating, deepening intimacy, or building a resilient marriage. The focus is always on actionable understanding-how to listen, communicate, and show up in ways that are both authentic and effective. Tune in for a podcast that respects your intelligence and meets you where you are, offering a blend of straightforward talk and nuanced discussion that can reshape how you approach every aspect of your life with women. It's for any man ready to move past confusion and toward more meaningful, fulfilling connections.
Author: Language: English Episodes: 100

Dear Men: How to Rock Sex, Dating, and Relationships With Women
Podcast Episodes
368: Can a live retreat change everything? (ft. Jason Lange) [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 55:08
When Jason was in his mid-20s, he was stuck. He numbed out with porn much of the time, had never had sex, and struggled with dating and love relationship.Even outside of dating, it felt like something was missing in his…
366: Love can, in fact, be calculated. (ft. Zoey Charif) [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 1:00:05
Have you ever wished you could scientifically determine what’s wrong in your relationship? Or felt it would be helpful to somehow mathematically see how compatible you are with someone you’re dating? Or gone through a di…
362: From skeptic to believer (ft. Naushad Godrej) [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 1:24:06
Have you ever doubted? Whether you've doubted yourself, the existence of a higher power, the efficacy of "alternative" healing techniques, or anything that goes against the mainstream -- this has likely come up for you a…
361: Worried about being a late bloomer? (ft. Jason Lange) [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 1:11:26
Are you concerned about your lack of experience, whether that's sexually, in a dating context, or time in long-term relationships? Maybe you feel behind in some way, and hesitant or fearful about telling a woman about yo…
360: GirlTalk: Striking while the iron is hot! [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 1:32:22
Want to be even sexier to women than you are now? ;) Learn to strike while the iron is hot!Seriously though -- striking while the iron is hot makes you a man who can generate polarity, build trust, and have women want to…
359: GuyTalk: Ever felt stuck? [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 1:44:27
Have you ever just felt STUCK? Stuck in your dating life, stuck in your marriage, stuck in your sex life (or stuck in your sex life within your marriage)? As one man on our panel put it, "I felt stuck for most of the 20…