398: 'No other decision has impacted my day-to-day happiness more than this.' (ft. Kubir)

“This is not something I ever thought I would do.”

So begins Kubir's story of moving from a spacious one-bedroom apartment in SF to Radish, a 13-person cohousing community in the East Bay.

“As I was getting older, my friends were getting partnered off,” he shared, and talked about his dating experiences before living in community as, in part, a way of experiencing companionship.

His is a unique perspective because he never thought he'd end up not only living in community, but dating while recently moving in, and having to answer questions to his new love partner about his motivations.

Now his wife is more than just on board -- she's in partnership with him around collaborating with others to create another cohousing community.

So what's it like dating in community, getting married in community, and then having a baby? Listen for all that and more!

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Mentioned on this episode:

• Supernuclear Substack
• CoHoUS (The Cohousing Association of the United States)
• The Other Significant Others: Reimagining Life With Friendship at the Center -- book by Rhaina Cohen
• Stepping Off the Relationship Escalator: Uncommon Love and Life -- book by Amy Gahran
• DM 242: Stepping off the Relationship Escalator (with Amy Gahran)
• LiveNearFriends.com -- You've thought about it. What's stopping you?

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Memorable quotes from this episode:

• “Even with your best friend, you schedule dinner three weeks out.”
• “It was like, ‘Cool, that’s for you, but that’s not for people like me.’”
• “We buy our own loneliness.”
• “I moved in in the middle of Covid and it… was… awesome.”
• “I can’t think of any other decision that has impacted my day-to-day happiness in a positive way than moving into Radish.”
• “The things I was afraid of happening — I wouldn’t have any privacy; I wouldn’t have enough personal space — didn’t happen.”
• “I’m constantly meeting new people.”
• “Being in orbit with other people is such a healthy thing from a relational standpoint.”
• “You get to see yourself reflected in other people.”