Has it always been clear to you where you fit into the world? -- what your purpose is, what you contribute, what your "worth" or "value" is, as a man.
If so, you're in the minority these days.
A modern young man has no official initiation into adulthood -- no rite of passage. So he often ends up "adrift on a sea of shame," as story weaver and healthy masculinity educator Djeli Celestia, puts it.
That line alone stopped me cold, because I've seen it so many times in the men I work with: They know what they don't want to be (i.e. like their dad), but no map for how to become who they do want to be. No elder handed them a compass. No ritual marked the threshold. And adrift youth frequently grow up into adrift adults — older, but still lost.
So what's the solution?
Here, healthy masculinity educators Scott and Djeli dig into what rites of passage actually are, why modern culture has nearly lost them, and what happens — to men, to relationships, to family systems — when they're missing. They also share about the beauty and possibility that opens up when we restore these relatively simple but powerful practices.
For example, Djeli shares his own personal story of taking his own son into the woods for a rite of passage at 18 — and what his son left behind with the trees. I'll let him tell you. But I will say: I was deeply moved.
If you're a man who has felt a certain kind of ache — the sense that something important was never handed to you — this one's for you. And if you're in the "sandwich generation," parenting below while navigating aging parents above, there's something in here about how the healing you do ripples in both directions.
---
Work with us
Ready to go deeper than the podcast and take action? Jason and I will help you break old patterns and transform your sex & love life for good. To see if you're a fit for our flagship program, Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)
---
Mentioned on this episode:
---
Memorable quotes from this episode:
- “I had not entered into adulthood with any rites, and I brought with me a lot of anger.”
- “I’m struggling to find love and passion and that kind of connection, so I’ll find it through pornography.”
- "Who am I to guide anyone?"
- “Initiation isn’t a moment; it’s a process.”
- "There is a real closeness between the secret and the sacred."
- “A lot of men think, 'I caused harm, but I don’t know how to do better.'”
- "He forgave himself."
- "It's not just about what he came back with. It's also about what he left there."
- “We have to have that sense of where we belong in this web of life.”
- "It's when we add wisdom to getting older that we become elders."
- "How can I step up?"
- “When we initiate action, we can invite in change.”
