You know the feeling. You've been holding a vision — for the partner, the family, the sex life you actually want — for months. Maybe years. Maybe decades. And it's still not here.

And underneath the longing, there's a quieter, scarier question: Is there something wrong with me that it hasn't happened yet?

Here, my dear friend and co-facilitator Violet Lang and I have an honest conversation about what it actually takes to hold a long-term vision without collapsing or giving up. We speak vulnerably from experiences in our own lives, as well as the lives of hundreds of clients with whom we've worked.

Violet walks us through her fertility journey (including two devastating miscarriages, failed IVF, and ultimately the path of donor embryo) — which she never would have chosen without being brought to her knees first. She also shares her journey from dissociating during sex and fearing that maybe she was broken — to a genuinely thriving sex life.

I share my own stretch — over a year of unstable housing while trying to co-found a group house, watching teams fall apart, deals fall through, and feeling a good amount of despair. And my 10-year vision of a conscious romantic partner that's still unfolding.

We dig into what actually moves the needle; why the closer you get, the harder it sometimes feels; what Violet calls "initiation" — and why you cannot do this alone.

Plus, a client story: a woman who, 8 years post-divorce, went on barely 2-3 dates and completely shut down after a shady situation. And then, within a few months of doing the work, met her partner at a coffee shop when he held the door open for her. They've been together since 2017.

And a note for the men listening: conscious men who do personal growth work stand out! There are fewer of you than you think, and it matters.

If you've been working toward something for a long time and the question keeps arising — is this ever gonna happen for me? — this one's for you.

—

Work with us

Ready to go deeper than the podcast and take action? Jason and I will help you break old patterns and transform your sex & love life for good. To see if you're a fit for our flagship program, Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)

—

Mentioned on this episode:

• Violet's summer group program, with which I'm involved: The Love Field: Hot Love Summer — 12 weeks of shadow work (constellations), polarity practice, embodiment, and live dares. Open to men, women, non-binary folks, singles and couples. Starting June. Enrollment open now at www.violetlange.com/thelovefield
• DM 265: What if she's got a sexual trauma background? How do you help? -- Violet covers the jade egg and other modalities that can help a woman overcome sexual trauma and go from not wanting sex to feeling back in her sexy, radiant power (whether she's partnered or not)

—

Memorable quotes from this episode:

• "I had never masturbated until I was 27."
• “I had to decide whether I was going to lean in and keep going, or give up.”
• “When I was trying to find my beloved, I was with someone who looked great on paper, but who wasn’t right.”
• "Your past doesn't have to dictate your future — but you have to call yourself in."
• "The longings on our hearts are sacred."
• "Love is an art, and it's meant to be practiced."
• “I had to give myself permission to have crazy-ass fantasies!”
• “When I invest in what I want, big shifts happen.”
• “There’s something that is calling me forward.”