When “I Don’t Want To” Is Really “I’m Scared”

When “I Don’t Want To” Is Really “I’m Scared”

Author: Dr Justin Coulson February 19, 2026 Duration: 13:30

What if your child’s resistance isn’t laziness… but fear?

In this heartfelt Friday “I’ll Do Better Tomorrow” episode of the The Happy Families Podcast, Justin and Kylie unpack a powerful parenting moment: an 11-year-old who didn’t want to try the 6am surf class — and the surprising truth behind her pushback.

This episode is about competence, courage, friendship, and why slowing down might be the most important thing we do for our kids (and ourselves).

If you’ve ever pushed, pulled, or panicked when your child resisted something new — this one will land.

KEY POINTS

  • Why “I don’t want to” often masks “What if I look dumb?”
  • The hidden power of friendships in building confidence
  • How to use a “soft entry” instead of forcing commitment
  • The sweet spot of growth (hello, zone of proximal development)
  • Why parents need protected, screen-free stillness
  • The family lesson we forgot after COVID

QUOTE OF THE EPISODE

“Sometimes our kids’ trepidation is less about the activity… and more about feeling incompetent.”

RESOURCES MENTIONED

  • Justin’s books and parenting resources at happyfamilies.com.au
  • Research behind capability, autonomy and competence (Self-Determination Theory)

ACTION STEPS FOR PARENTS

  • Offer a one-time trial instead of a full commitment
  • Look for the fear underneath the resistance
  • Pair new challenges with trusted friends
  • Protect one quiet hour this week — no screens, no rushing
  • Let your child grow at the edge of their capability, not beyond it

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.


Finding a clear path through the chaos of family life can feel overwhelming. Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families steps into that space with grounded, relatable conversations. Hosted by parenting expert Dr. Justin Coulson and his wife Kylie, this podcast feels like a honest chat with friends who truly understand the daily grind. Together, they draw from their own life raising six daughters, offering a common-sense perspective that resonates with parents everywhere. The discussions move beyond theory, focusing on practical strategies you can apply immediately to navigate common challenges and strengthen your relationships at home. Each episode aims to cut through the noise of conflicting advice, providing thoughtful insights that address real-world situations with empathy and evidence-based wisdom. Tuning into this podcast is like finding a moment of calm reflection in a busy week, a resource for building a more connected and joyful family culture. It’s a place where the complexities of parenting, culture, and society are explored through the lens of everyday experience, making the journey feel a little less solitary and a lot more manageable.
Author: Language: English Episodes: 100

Dr Justin Coulson's Happy Families
Podcast Episodes
The Psychology of Christmas Magic [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 15:14
Why does Christmas feel so magical—and how can we bottle that feeling for our families? In this episode, Justin and Kylie unpack the science behind Christmas joy and reveal the seven psychological drivers that make the s…
What Happens When You Stop Scrolling? [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 19:26
What if the world’s biggest social media company discovered its platforms were harming mental health… and then buried the evidence? Today, Justin and Kylie unpack explosive court documents about Meta’s secret research, t…
How to Have a Merry Christmas (Backed by Actual Research) [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 15:31
If Christmas usually feels more chaotic than joyful, this episode is the reset you need. Justin and Kylie unpack the research on what really makes Christmas happier—and what quietly steals the joy from it. You’ll hear th…
The Secret to an Intentional, Joy-Filled Christmas [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 16:59
Feeling the Christmas chaos creeping in already? This episode hands you permission to rewrite the rules. Justin and Kylie share the three simple diagnostic questions that transform Christmas from exhausting and obligator…
When Your Kids’ Cousins Have Very Different Rules [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 12:42
Christmas catch-ups can be joyful… and also incredibly tense when your kids start noticing that their cousins play by wildly different rules. No screen limits. Loose language. Even underage drinking. In today’s tricky qu…
Surviving the Christmas Meltdown Season [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 19:34
Christmas is magic… until it isn’t. Big feelings, tired kids, sugar highs, family drama, and festive chaos can turn the “most wonderful time of the year” into a meltdown marathon. In this episode, Justin and Kylie break…
How to Help Kids Step Up at Home [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 14:59
Ever feel like your kids walk straight past overflowing laundry baskets, open doors, or lights blazing—and simply don’t see it? You’re not imagining things. In this episode, Justin and Kylie share the hilarious (and slig…
Don't Buy Your Kid an E-Scooter/ Bike  This Christmas [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 20:51
Kids are begging for e-scooters and e-bikes this Christmas—but the rise in catastrophic injuries tells a very different story. In this episode, Dr Justin Coulson breaks down the shocking stats, the hidden dangers, and th…
How to Talk About Babies Without Oversharing or Freezing [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 11:57
Kids have a magical way of asking the biggest questions at the most unexpected moments. In this episode, we walk you through exactly how to respond when your six-year-old suddenly wants to know how a baby gets into Mum’s…