“…you internalized that you’re doing something wrong because you don’t feel or act the way other people do.”
In this candid conversation, Reuben Schwartz shares what autistic burnout actually felt like behind the scenes, from years of sleep deprivation as a parent to the quiet habit of constantly judging himself for being different.
If you’ve ever felt pressure to be “normal,” struggled with burnout, or wrestled with the realities of autistic parenting, this episode explores what changes after diagnosis, why pacing matters more than pushing through, and how self-understanding can reduce the constant inner pressure.
Ruben is a startup consultant based in Sydney. He’s on his 13th different career, currently writing Choose Your Own Adventure books for startup founders, while wearing many other hats. After 45 often confusing years, including the last five raising a young child, he was diagnosed as autistic last year and is still working through what that means.
Episode Highlights
00:01:22 — Four years of severe sleep deprivation
Reuben describes how his daughter’s sleep issues led to years of chronic exhaustion while he was still working full time. The prolonged sleep deprivation began affecting his health, decision-making, and overall functioning.
00:09:13 — When parenting exhaustion becomes physical
He shares how extreme fatigue pushed his body to its limits, including hallucinations and loss of control. The experience reshaped his understanding of what true exhaustion can do to a person.
00:29:14 — Stopping the self-judgment spiral
After his autism diagnosis, Reuben began recognizing how often he had been harshly judging himself for his natural responses and needs. Accepting how his brain works helped him stop trying to “correct” himself constantly.
00:45:00 — Trying to be “normal” for years
He reflects on how many life choices in his twenties were driven by copying what others were doing. Only later did he realize he had been chasing normality rather than what he actually wanted.
00:46:23 — Pacing energy to be a better parent
Understanding autistic burnout helped him recognize his limits around sensory and emotional load. By pacing his time more intentionally, he can now show up more patiently with his daughter.
00:47:00 — Learning to be less hard on himself
Reuben explains how diagnosis helped him reframe his constant self-criticism. Instead of viewing his needs as moral failures, he now sees them as physical and neurological realities.
Subscribe for more honest conversations about autism, ADHD, burnout, and neurodivergent life.
Connect with Reuben Schwartz:
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/reubenschwarz/
Connect with Jeremy:
LinkedIn: https://linkedin.com/in/nageljeremy
Email: jeremy@focusbear.io
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