Caz is an open book with a ton of chapters: a non-binary disability advocate kink-loving trauma survivor pain/pleasure early wayfinder who left live sex shows for the dating apps. The extraordinary roads they had to navigate led them to know themselves intimately, and helped them learn to accept, manage, and finally enjoy bodily pain.
Caz is a 40-year-old, non-binary person who was assigned female at birth. They describe themselves as queer, non-monogamous and single. They've had a hysterectomy, so they no longer have a period but believe that hormonally they are probably peri-menopausal. They grew up in the United States and describe their body as curvy.
Caz is a disability activist, and is particularly involved in education around sexuality for people with disabilities, including kink activities.
You can find them on Instagram at www.instagram.com/cazkilljoy
- Caz shares an early memory of sexual pleasure, when they caught masturbating in the living room around age 4-5. They were quickly escorted to their bedroom and the behavior was not encouraged.
- Caz has their first sexually partnered experience at age 13-14 which is mostly positive, but it triggers memories of early molestation. They seek therapy, learn how to navigate clitoral sensitivity, and treat numbness.
- Caz shares the outline of their medical issues. It started at age 21, when their legs were being held back while being fisted, causing lasting injury that spawned serious compound issues.
- The pleasure/pain balance leads to their interest in kink. Navigating the pain itself becomes a factor. They find themselves in an abusive relationship, and then a libido-mismatched rebound.
- Caz talks about learning how to orgasm while weaning off Effexor.
- Caz shares that the bent toward kink has been lifelong, and describes a childhood fantasy with masturbation taskmasters. They describe early kink explorations, pain/pleasure antecedents in self-harm, and using that as an emotional management strategy.
- They transition into BDSM as an avenue of positive personal control. Self-education starts in an alcove at Border's Books.
- Caz talks about early same-sex interactions; some of them were non-consensual. The first consensual one was in their early 20's. They knew something was "off" about their gender and felt most comfortable in drag.
- Caz opens up about non-binary dating, and what life and sex look like today. They have a long-term friend with benefits with whom they became pandemic partners and have recently returned to the apps.
- Caz talks about accessibility and kink spaces.
The Lowdown: Caz answers rapid-fire questions about period sex while, number of partners, race, toys, positions, re-naming reverse cowgirl, initiating sex, being active vs passive, clit stimulation vs penetration, physical therapy, breast/chest play, orgasming from penetration vs masturbating, preferred kind of touch, hard red lines, forced orgasm edging, porn use, making porn, live sex shows, Onlyfans, hair vs bare, group sex, giving oral sex, swallowing, receiving oral, smell and taste, ass play, kink limits, dirty talk, laughter, confusing sexual urges, favorite body parts, least favorite, getting more oral, and advice to one's former self.
Update:
Since this episode was released, the podcast has concluded. Here's how you can find me now:
EPISODE CREDITS:
Host / Producer – Leah Carey (email)
Audio Editor – Gretchen Kilby
Administrative Support - Lara O'Connor, Maria Franco
Transcript creation – Jan Acielo
Music – Nazar Rybak
