Tori grew up in a church that preached purity culture, which mostly taught her what she didn't want—a life with far more shame than sex, compounded by firmly fixed instructions around gender. She followed her pleasure down roads less traditionally traveled and created polyamorous and non-monogamous relationships with people across the gender spectrum. It works for her, her partners, and the children for whom she wants to make a better, healthier world.
Tori is 37-years-old. She describes herself as Black, pansexual and polyamorous. She has a partner who she lives with, plus she's in a relationship with another couple. In terms of gender, she uses the she/her pronouns, but said, "Gender and I are not on speaking terms." We talk about that in our conversation. She grew up in Evangelical purity culture.
You can find Tori at:
Bookmark moments:
- Tori shares her first memory of sexual pleasure, sitting in her homeschool desk at age 7 or 8 and rubbing herself over her jeans. In purity culture, "everything that feels good is bad."
- Tori talks about growing up in purity culture, how it never fit her, and how it spectacularly failed to prevent sexual activity for her and her peers.
- She moves in with a boyfriend to the horror of her parents, with whom she is no longer in contact.
- Tori talks about leaving the church as it became increasingly abusive towards its members. She wants to raise them differently than how she was raised.
- Leaving the church (and her husband) allows her to explore her attraction to other people and other genders. Tori gets into more detail about her complicated relationship with gender.
- Tori spells out what being a-romantic means to her and how she separates romance from intimacy from sex.
- She opens up about her current live-in partner, how that configures with their other relationships, and what polyamory/ethical non-monogamy means for them. She talks about her relationship with a couple who met each other via her Twitter.
- The Lowdown - Tori answers questions about period sex, number of partners, sex with someone of a different race, sex toys, sex positions, initiating sex, clit stimulation vs penetration, breast play, achieving orgasm, faking it, solo orgasms vs partnered, kind of touch, nipple sucking, hard red lines, hair vs bare, giving and receiving oral, swallowing, taste and smell, dirty talk, laughter, and childhood beliefs about sex.
Update:
Since this episode was released, the podcast has concluded. Here's how you can find me now:
EPISODE CREDITS:
Host / Producer – Leah Carey (email)
Audio Editor – Gretchen Kilby
Administrative Support - Lara O'Connor, Maria Franco
Transcript creation – Jan Acielo
Music – Nazar Rybak
