In 1990, 55% of American adults reported having sex weekly. By 2024 that number had fallen to just 37%, and among adults aged 18–29, the share reporting no sex at all in the past year has doubled, from 12% to 24%. We are in the middle of a sex recession. And most of us have no idea why, or what to do about it.
In this special episode of Good Is In The Details (recorded live at Podapalooza, a one-day podcast matching event) host Gwendolyn Dolske sits down with Xanet Pailet: nationally recognized sexuality educator and coach, somatic sexologist, and bestselling author of Living an Orgasmic Life: Heal Yourself and Awaken Your Pleasure, a former NYC healthcare lawyer who lived in a sexless marriage for over two decades before experiencing her own sexual healing and dedicating her career to helping others do the same.
It's philosophy of intimacy, and genuinely useful psychology all in one conversation.
What we explore in this episode:
- What's actually driving the sex recession, from smartphones and "bedtime procrastination" to the collapse of in-person socializing (young adults in 2024 spend less than half as much time with friends as they did in 2010) and what it means for our relationships.
- Why inadequate sex education and overexposure to pornography are creating unrealistic expectations and disconnecting people from genuine intimacy, and what healthy sexual education actually looks like.
- How bad early sexual experiences create lasting somatic patterns that shut people down, and what it takes to heal them.
- The common thread running through every healthy, intimate long-term relationship, and why most couples never talk about it.
- How to get unstuck in a long-term relationship that has lost its spark: practical, evidence-based, and compassionate strategies from a coach who has helped hundreds of couples.
- Why sexual expression is inseparable from emotional needs, and what happens to both partners when those needs go unaddressed for years.
Whether you're in a long-term relationship that's lost its spark, navigating your own relationship with desire and intimacy, or simply trying to understand why an entire generation seems to be opting out of sex, this episode will give you a new framework for thinking about one of the most fundamental human experiences.
About the format: This episode was recorded at Podapalooza — a live podcast matching event where hosts and guests connect in real time, no pre-research, no prepared talking points. What you hear is a genuinely spontaneous conversation. Sometimes the most honest episodes are the unplanned ones.
Guest: Xanet Pailet: nationally recognized sexuality educator and coach, bestselling author of Living an Orgasmic Life, certified Somatica Sex and Intimacy Coach, Somatic Sexologist, Holistic Pelvic Care Practitioner, Tantra Educator, and Somatic Experiencing Trauma practitioner. Faculty at 1440 Multiversity, Ecstatic Living Institute, and the Somatica Institute. Based in Asheville, North Carolina.
Good Is In The Details is hosted by Gwendolyn Dolske, Ph.D. and Rudy Salo — a philosophy, books, and ideas podcast exploring the examined life in the spirit of Socrates.
Learn more about Xanet's work: https://www.passionateintimacyretreats.com
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