Hatchet (2006) Review

Hatchet (2006) Review

Author: Horror Movie Talk: Horror Movie Review December 21, 2022 Duration: 0:00
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We watched Hatchet on Tubi and were treated to one of the most generic comedic slashers I’ve ever seen in my entire life.

@dgoebel00 on Instagram provided this amazing artwork. Follow him and check out his website.

https://youtu.be/9wiSir2Cs18

Synopsis

Twenty somethings are in New Orleans and decide it will be fun to go on a haunted swamp tour. 

What they don’t realize is that this is Victor Crowley’s (Kane Hodder) swamp.

Who is Victor Crowley? Besides being a close personal friend of Ozzy Osborne, he is a troubled man who lived a troubled life full of cruelty inflicted upon him by local kids. Victor’s ghost(?) now haunts the swamp where he was tragically killed by happenstance and tragedy.

Everyone gets way more ripped apart than they bargained for.

Hatchet movie poster

Review

I chose to review Hatchet because I’m having a hard time in my personal life and this seemed like the kind of thing that I could handle.

I was right. There is nothing here to make me feel feelings. Just mindless distraction in the form of sex, violence, and heinous monstrosities against God.

The comedy is without feeling. The violence is without warrant. The concept is as old as film. Monster bad – but monster also tragic – but get out of my swamp.

There are attempts at comedy that do not land. There is gratuitous violence that sloshes buckets of blood all over the place. There are even hot girls shooting softcore porno.

Watch Hatchet (2006)

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Hatchet movie poster

Adam Green is the director of Hatchet, which is clearly an homage to 80’s and 90’s slashers the likes of Candyman, A Nightmare on Elm Street, and Friday the 13th. 

Green manages to conjure all of the basics from these legendary slasher titles with absolutely none of the heart of any of them. 

Horror icons Kane Hodder, Robert Englund, and Tony Todd are featured in hatchet. Todd and Englund as fun cameos and Hodder as Crowley himself.

This is as boring and lifeless a movie as I can imagine and it helped me through a tough time.

Sometimes a mindless waste of time filled with brimming buckets of blood is exactly what the doctor ordered.

Hatchet proves that movies don’t have to be good or fun or anything but a waste of time. 

Score

4/10


There's a particular kind of conversation that happens after the credits roll on a scary movie, when you're dissecting the jump scares and debating the monster's motives. Horror Movie Talk captures that exact feeling, serving up weekly discussions that are as much about the genuine love of the genre as they are about critique. Hosted by a team whose passion is palpable, this podcast delves into everything from the latest chilling release haunting theaters to those hidden gems-or notorious flops-you can find on streaming services. The analysis is sharp and deeply opinionated, but the chemistry between the hosts often leads the conversation into unexpectedly funny territory. It’s this blend of thoughtful review and spontaneous humor that defines the show. You'll hear passionate debates about cinematic technique, nods to classic influences, and honest reactions to whether a film truly delivers the scares. Tuning in each Wednesday feels like pulling up a chair with friends who’ve just seen the same movie, armed with strong opinions and a willingness to laugh at the absurdities that make horror so enduring. For anyone who lives for that post-viewing breakdown, this is a consistently engaging listen.
Author: Language: English Episodes: 464

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