Why Danes Find Compliments So Awkward

Why Danes Find Compliments So Awkward

Author: Kay Xander Mellish March 24, 2024 Duration: 7:12

A story I've heard over and over again when I talk to internationals working in Denmark is this: They thought they were going to get fired.

They'd been working for a year or so at professional-level job in Denmark, often one they'd been recruited for, but they'd never heard any positive comments from their manager.

They started to worry. They were doing their best, but maybe it just wasn't good enough.

Were they going to lose the job? Were they going to have to go back home, humiliated, and explain the whole thing to their friends and family?

Expecting bad news

This was what was on their mind when they went into their annual employee review. They were expecting some pretty bad news.

Instead, they got a promotion. And a raise. Their manager thought they were doing great. But the Danish approach to employee feedback is generally – "No news is good news".

You have a job, you're doing that job, we'll let you know if there are any problems.

Positive feedback is uncommon in Denmark, because Danes themselves are often uncomfortable receiving compliments.

The façade of equality

Compliments run smack-dab into the Jante Law, which says specifically that "Don't think that you're better than us."

When you give someone a compliment, you lift them above you, if only for a moment, and that disturbs the equality, or at least the façade of equality, which is so important in Denmark.

So compliments are not a natural thing in Denmark, either on the job or in your personal life.

 

Read more at www.howtoliveindenmark.com


For anyone curious about or currently navigating Danish life from the outside, How to Live in Denmark serves as an essential, on-the-ground guide. Hosted by Kay Xander Mellish, an American writer who has made Denmark her home for over ten years, this conversation cuts straight to the heart of the everyday realities in one of the world's most homogenous-and often puzzling-societies. Rather than lengthy lectures, you'll find concise, ten-minute episodes packed with practical advice and cultural translation. This isn't just about travel tips; it's a deep dive into the unspoken rules of Danish social etiquette, the nuances of the local workplace, and the sometimes surprising path to feeling at home in a country frequently labeled the world's happiest. Mellish draws from her own long-term experience to explain everything from navigating the infamous Jantelov to understanding the Danish approach to business meetings and casual Friday night hygge. As Denmark's longest-running English-language podcast, it has become a trusted resource for internationals, whether they are planning a move, newly arrived, or have been settled for years but still occasionally find themselves wondering, "Why do Danes do it that way?" Each episode feels like a chat with a well-informed friend who helps decode the complexities of a fascinating culture, making your time there richer and a lot less confusing.
Author: Language: English Episodes: 151

How to Live in Denmark
Podcast Episodes
The white magic of the Danish graduation hat [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 9:01
In June of each year, the streets of Denmark are suddenly full of young people wearing stiff white caps with bands of various colors - burgundy, midnight blue, light blue. These teenagers have just graduated from gymnasi…
Do you have to speak Danish to work in Denmark? [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 7:52
If you're only in Denmark for a few months, it might not be worth the investment in time to learn much more than the basic pleasantries in Danish. But you plan to stay in Denmark for more than a year or so, it's a good i…
Romance in Denmark [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 8:43
Whether you're navigating the cobbled streets of Copenhagen on a first date, exploring the charming countryside with a new companion, or swiping right in the pursuit of love, this episode offers the inside scoop on Danis…
Finding light in the Danish Winter Darkness [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 7:10
Many internationals newly arrived in Denmark struggle with the long Danish winter. The darkness that starts to fall in the early afternoon means that 5pm looks just like 8pm, which looks just like midnight, which looks j…
New Year's Eve Traditions in Denmark [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 6:24
It's almost Week 1, in the weekly numbering system that's widely used in Northern Europe, where the year starts with week 1 and runs through to Week 52 or 53, depending on the calendar. It's very efficient for planning,…
How to Handle a Conflict in Denmark [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 6:55
If you are an international who lives in Denmark, or someone who wants to, you have to learn the Danish way of dealing with conflict. This might be with a colleague, or your upstairs neighbors, or the authorities at the…
Drugs in Denmark [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 5:45
Denmark is getting rich selling pharmaceuticals to other countries, but within Denmark itself, the approach is inconsistent. Getting illegal drugs doesn't seem to be too difficult, but getting legal drugs from your docto…
Equality and the Electric Bike [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 7:47
When I first arrived in Denmark, you could shut down any dispute in Denmark by appealing to equality and the common good. Solidarity - "solidaritet" - and "fælleskab", or community, or even "samfundssind", societal spiri…
How to Meet a Dead Viking: The Mummies of Denmark [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 7:21
Many people who visit Denmark are fans of the Vikings, the colloquial name for Scandinavians before the medieval era, although technically speaking the Viking raiders were at their peak in the years 800-1100. There are p…
No ice cream in July: Scenes from the Danish summer vacation period [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 7:23
In Denmark, the right to a long summer vacation is enshrined into law - the national vacation law, which states that all employees have a right to three weeks' vacation between May and September. Shops close, too. An ice…