Why Danes Find Compliments So Awkward

Why Danes Find Compliments So Awkward

Author: Kay Xander Mellish March 24, 2024 Duration: 7:12

A story I've heard over and over again when I talk to internationals working in Denmark is this: They thought they were going to get fired.

They'd been working for a year or so at professional-level job in Denmark, often one they'd been recruited for, but they'd never heard any positive comments from their manager.

They started to worry. They were doing their best, but maybe it just wasn't good enough.

Were they going to lose the job? Were they going to have to go back home, humiliated, and explain the whole thing to their friends and family?

Expecting bad news

This was what was on their mind when they went into their annual employee review. They were expecting some pretty bad news.

Instead, they got a promotion. And a raise. Their manager thought they were doing great. But the Danish approach to employee feedback is generally – "No news is good news".

You have a job, you're doing that job, we'll let you know if there are any problems.

Positive feedback is uncommon in Denmark, because Danes themselves are often uncomfortable receiving compliments.

The façade of equality

Compliments run smack-dab into the Jante Law, which says specifically that "Don't think that you're better than us."

When you give someone a compliment, you lift them above you, if only for a moment, and that disturbs the equality, or at least the façade of equality, which is so important in Denmark.

So compliments are not a natural thing in Denmark, either on the job or in your personal life.

 

Read more at www.howtoliveindenmark.com


For anyone curious about or currently navigating Danish life from the outside, How to Live in Denmark serves as an essential, on-the-ground guide. Hosted by Kay Xander Mellish, an American writer who has made Denmark her home for over ten years, this conversation cuts straight to the heart of the everyday realities in one of the world's most homogenous-and often puzzling-societies. Rather than lengthy lectures, you'll find concise, ten-minute episodes packed with practical advice and cultural translation. This isn't just about travel tips; it's a deep dive into the unspoken rules of Danish social etiquette, the nuances of the local workplace, and the sometimes surprising path to feeling at home in a country frequently labeled the world's happiest. Mellish draws from her own long-term experience to explain everything from navigating the infamous Jantelov to understanding the Danish approach to business meetings and casual Friday night hygge. As Denmark's longest-running English-language podcast, it has become a trusted resource for internationals, whether they are planning a move, newly arrived, or have been settled for years but still occasionally find themselves wondering, "Why do Danes do it that way?" Each episode feels like a chat with a well-informed friend who helps decode the complexities of a fascinating culture, making your time there richer and a lot less confusing.
Author: Language: English Episodes: 151

How to Live in Denmark
Podcast Episodes
Can I date my Danish colleague? [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 6:16
Many Danes meet their future spouses at work. Yet there are also strict laws in Denmark against sexual harassment. Where do you draw a line between harassment and two adults developing tender feelings for each other? ---…
The Danish Flag: 800 years old and going out fashion? [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 5:32
People visiting Denmark can't help but notice that the Danish flag is everywhere. Christmas trees here are decorated with little Danish flags. Cucumbers in the supermarket have Danish flags on them to show they're grown…
Your free daily banana and five weeks off:  Job benefits in Denmark [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 8:37
On-the-job benefits in Denmark come in three categories: the kind every Danish worker gets, the kind everyone at your company gets, and the kind everyone at a certain level in your company gets. When you talk with a futu…
Danish gangsters: Night-time helicopters and the risks of a knit hat [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 5:10
If you live in Denmark or follow the Danish media, you'll know there's been a lot of talk of gangsters over the past week. One Danish gang is trying to expand at the expense of another gang, and this summer there have be…
The Trailing Spouse in Denmark [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 8:43
If you're coming from abroad to work in Denmark, you may be bringing along your spouse. That can be great – it's nice to have someone to shiver through the Danish summer with. But unhappy spouses are one of the main reas…
Why job titles aren't important in Denmark [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 7:41
One of the most important words in the Danish language is "ligestilling" – equality. The belief that all (Danish) people are basically equal permeates every relationship and every interaction. Fancy job titles do not fit…