'I Don't Do Very Well With Binaries' - with drag king Mr Wesley Dykes

'I Don't Do Very Well With Binaries' - with drag king Mr Wesley Dykes

Author: lost queer spaces March 26, 2025 Duration: 47:52

We talk a lot about — and when I say 'we,' I mean the wider queer community — how upsetting it is that queer bars and clubs are closing at an accelerated rate. But I think the bigger tragedy is the disappearance of queer cafés.


And maybe it’s wrong to pit them against each other, but queer cafés offer that beautiful intermediate step. They’re not as full-on or intimidating as a bar or a club, and they’re places where you can just be. There’s no pressure to perform, no need to match the thump of a bassline — just you, your overpriced oat flat white, and the comforting hum of conversations that sound a little more like home.


One of the absolute best queer cafés that ever existed — and I won't hear any counterarguments — was First Out Café in Central London. Before it closed in 2011 to make way for yet another railway construction project, it was a sanctuary. A place where you could nervously nurse a tea while pretending to read the free gay magazines that used to exist, all the while sneaking glances at the other queers who had found refuge there too.


It’s also where today’s guest, drag king extraordinaire Mr Wesley Dykes, took his first tentative steps into queerdom. Growing up between Lagos and South London, Wesley navigated the complexities of identity, family expectations, and self-acceptance. And when that weight felt a little too heavy, First Out Café was there — offering a cup of tea and the reassuring presence of a community.


Other episodes about First Out Cafe

'The First Gay Place That I Went Inside...' - with Alex Iantaffi from Gender Stories Podcast


First Out Cafe, London (with Ali Brumfitt)



Follow me

Instagram: ⁠⁠www.instagram.com/lostspacespod⁠⁠

Facebook: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠www.facebook.com/lostspacespod⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

TikTok: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.tiktok.com/@lostspacespod⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠

Sign up to the Queer Word newsletter: https://queer-word.beehiiv.com/subscribe⁠⁠⁠⁠


Support me

Buy Me A Coffee: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.buymeacoffee.com/lostspacespod⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠


Follow my guest

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/mrwesleydykes/



Lost Spaces: Memories from Gay Bars, Lesbian Clubs, and LGBTQ+ Parties is a series of intimate conversations about the venues and parties that have served as crucial backdrops for queer life. Host K Anderson guides each episode with a gentle curiosity, focusing on a single guest’s personal connection to a place that no longer exists in the same way. These are not dry historical accounts, but vivid, emotional recollections. You’ll hear about the specific bar where someone first felt seen, the underground club that provided a sanctuary, or the party where a community solidified. The discussions naturally delve into how these environments fostered identity, provided safety, and built the networks that define so many LGBTQ+ lives. This podcast operates on the understanding that a physical space is often the container for our most formative experiences-first kisses, political awakenings, chosen families. By documenting these lost spaces through personal narrative, the show archives a living history of queer culture that exists beyond official records. The tone is reflective and often poignant, as guests explore not just what these places were, but what their absence means. It’s about the lingering impact of a closed door, and how the memories forged in those rooms continue to resonate. Listening feels like being part of a necessary preservation project, one story at a time, highlighting why these communal hubs were, and remain, vital to health and well-being. Each episode is a specific journey into a memory, making the broader point about collective loss and resilience without ever needing to state it outright.
Author: Language: English Episodes: 50

Lost Spaces: Memories from Gay Bars, Lesbian Clubs, and LGBTQ+ Parties
Podcast Episodes
'Single and Celibate for Jesus' - with Alex Gay [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 47:00
Have you ever decided that you were going to go celibate and swear off sex forever? Probably. It happens. Now, my follow up question - have you ever promised that you'd go celibate to... oh, i don't know, let's say,,,, t…
'Oh, You Know, The 'Gay' Thing' - with actor Paul Cram [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 54:11
This week's episode feels like a bit of a culmination of different thoughts that have been bubbling up from recent conversations on the show.First, there’s my realisation that I’m more of a sponge than an island — and I…
'It Validated That I Am Gay' - with Greg R Baird [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 48:29
This week it's the story of The Copa, a club that was found (across two different sites) in Flint, Michigan between the years of 1980-1995But, really, it's a love story. And the first scene in this love story just happen…
'The 'Gay Age'' - with Koby Falks [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 51:46
Have you ever heard of the concept of a “gay age”?If not, here's the gist: the idea goes that we each have a gay age, which starts from the moment we come out. So, that means if I came out yesterday, I’d be zero. If you…
'A Queer Kid In A Small Town' - with comedian Sunny Laprade [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 1:01:23
Sometimes when you live in a small close-knit community there is nowhere to hide. No where to disappear to. It can feel like you're always on guard, always wearing the false smile and maintaining the pretence for everyon…
'A Way I Could Express My Queerness' - with drag king Erik Sjon [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 53:12
There's a reason that the theme song to the Golden Girls hits so hard for me. And, I think it's because I've always valued friendships over all other types of relationships. There’s just something magical about having th…
'Darling, You're Gay...' - with Michael Bach [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 56:12
So, usually we talk about a bar or a club or a coffee shop… or some kind of building, at least. But this week we're doing something a little bit different. We're talking about a set of steps. Yes, you heard that correctl…