You’re Probably Thinking About Boundaries All Wrong

You’re Probably Thinking About Boundaries All Wrong

Author: The New York Times April 23, 2025 Duration: 39:29
KC Davis is a therapist and author known for her practical, empathetic advice on dealing with clutter, even when you are feeling like too much of a mess yourself to take care of the mess in your home. Her TikTok videos on the subject have been viewed millions of times. But lately, Davis has been talking and writing about our relationships not just to the objects in our lives, but to the people, too. In her new book, “Who Deserves Your Love: How to Create Boundaries to Start, Strengthen, or End Any Relationship,” Davis tries to disentangle the popular understanding of boundaries, saying the concept is widely misunderstood. She offers a guide to forming and keeping boundaries that help readers better navigate their conflicts with other people. On this episode of “Modern Love," Davis tells us what she thinks we get wrong about boundaries and how we should be thinking about them instead. She reads the Modern Love essay “Is My Husband a Doormat?” about a sudden argument between a couple 20 years into their relationship and talks about how boundaries can help defuse such situations. Davis also tells us how boundaries helped heal her own relationship with her father. The author of today’s featured essay, Lidija Hilje, has a new novel coming out in July called “Slanting Towards the Sea.“ For an upcoming episode about location sharing, the Modern Love team wants to hear your location-sharing story. Did something happen that made you regret sharing your location with someone? Was there a moment when you were thankful that you had? Where were you? What happened? How did your relationship change as a result? The deadline is May 1. Submission instructions are here. Here’s how to submit a Modern Love essay to The New York Times Here’s how to submit a Tiny Love Story

For two decades, the Modern Love column in The New York Times has offered a uniquely intimate window into how people navigate relationships, heartbreak, and connection. That same spirit of honest, personal storytelling finds its voice in this weekly podcast, hosted by Anna Martin. Here, the written essays are brought to life, often by notable actors, and expanded upon through Martin’s thoughtful conversations with the authors and other guests. They delve into the aftermath of the published story, exploring what was learned and how lives have unfolded since. You’ll hear about love in its many forms-romantic, familial, platonic, and self-love-across a spectrum of experiences that are by turns heartbreaking, awkward, humorous, and profoundly uplifting. This isn’t about fairytales, but the real, messy, and transformative moments that define us. The Modern Love podcast, from The New York Times, continues that essential tradition of sharing our most vulnerable stories to see our own lives more clearly. New episodes arrive every Wednesday.
Author: Language: English Episodes: 445

Modern Love
Podcast Episodes
Security In A Bright Yellow Suitcase | With Christina Hendricks [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 22:31
You know the phase. The one when you're going back and forth between your place and your partner's, and you have to bring all your stuff with you. But when is it time to make a change? Deanna Clevesy's essay is read by C…
Your Dog Has Seen Me Naked | With William Jackson Harper [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 27:53
Have you ever dated someone living in a studio apartment with a pet? If so, how did you handle the logistics around sex? Ryan Pfeffer writes about how he dealt with that situation in his essay, which was performed by Wil…
Part II: My Wife Said You May Want to Marry Me | With André Holland [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 21:41
Last week, you heard an essay by Amy Krouse Rosenthal -- "You May Want to Marry my Husband." It was published just days before she died of ovarian cancer. Today, André Holland of "High Flying Bird" reads the essay her hu…
Part I: You May Want to Marry My Husband [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 13:42
Debra Winger reads the late Amy Krouse Rosenthal's essay about her fairytale love story, which was cut short by cancer. This is an encore presentation.
Oscars Playlist [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 29:29
We're celebrating the 91st Academy Awards by revisiting two of our favorite episodes featuring nominated actors. We'll hear pieces read by Rachel Weisz of "The Favourite," and Willem Dafoe, of "At Eternity's Gate."
Rallying To Keep The Game Alive | With Connie Nielsen [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 19:05
It's easy to single out the biggest decisions in a life. But this week's essay by Ann Leary is about little choices, that you might not think about very much in the moment, that end up slowly changing everything. It's re…
A Kiss Deferred | With Joanna Kulig [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 22:59
Nikolina Kulidzan was twelve years old when she fell in love for the first time. Not long after, the Bosnian War changed her life forever. Her essay is read by Joanna Kulig ("Cold War").
What The Sea Took Away | With Carmen Ejogo [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 21:13
How do you talk to your children about loss? What secrets do you keep, and for how long? And when do you decide to tell them everything? Emily Listfield faces those questions in her essay, read by Carmen Ejogo ("True Det…
Maternal Wisdom (5 Pounds' Worth) | With Gillian Anderson [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 23:26
When you think back to sex ed class, it's not hard to come up with a couple of memories that might have scarred you for life. But actor Gillian Anderson reads an essay that shows it can be equally scarring for the parent…
Modern Love Holiday Playlist [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 53:21
Happy Holidays from all of us at Modern Love! We will be back with brand new episodes in 2019, but today, we're bringing you a playlist of our favorite holiday episodes from the past two years.