Go to Bed Angry (#344)

Go to Bed Angry (#344)

Author: Dan Koch August 21, 2025 Duration: 36:25
My 42nd birthday sale is LIVE! Join as an Annual Member of my Patreon to get 42% off through September 1 and enjoy ad-free access to Patron-exclusive content like this! In today’s bonus episode, team member Joy Vetterlein and I tackle what might be the most commonly given piece of marriage advice at wedding receptions: "don't go to bed angry."  After seeing comedian Leanne Morgan flip this conventional wisdom on its head during a Colbert appearance, we dive into why this advice became so popular in mid-20th century America through the "infection model" of marital conflict, explore what modern neuroscience tells us about arguing while dysregulated (hint: your prefrontal cortex isn't working very well at a 7+ on the anger scale), and discover that the original biblical verse this advice comes from had absolutely nothing to do with marriage. I share my practical "rule of sevens" for knowing when to table an argument, and confess to being the type of person who will hijack wedding videographers to give counter-programming relationship advice. In the Patreon portion, Joy and I get personal about our own marriages, including her revelation about needing to give herself permission to consider divorce in order to truly choose her marriage, and we explore a 7th-century monk's surprisingly modern insights about anger as spiritual energy. ___________________________________________ Follow Dan on IG: www.instagram.com/dancoke/ Or Twitter: twitter.com/DanKoch Faith deconstruction resources: www.soyouredeconstructing.com/ Join the Patreon for exclusive episodes (and more) every month: patreon.com/dankoch Email about the "sliding scale" for the Patreon: youhavepermissionpodcast@gmail.com YHP Patron-only FB group: tinyurl.com/ycvbbf98 Website: www.dankochwords.com/yhp.html Join Dan's email list: www.dankochwords.com/ Artwork by sprungle.co/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hosted by Dan Koch, Religion on the Mind digs into the messy, fascinating, and deeply personal space where our inner lives meet our search for meaning. This isn't a sermon or a debate; it's a series of conversations that feel more like late-night talks with curious friends. Each episode brings in a different voice-psychologists, scholars, writers, and other experts-to explore how our beliefs, doubts, rituals, and spiritual yearnings are intertwined with the workings of the human mind. We get into the psychology behind religious experience, the spirituality that emerges outside traditional structures, and the very real ways these forces shape identity, community, and coping. The tone is thoughtful but unvarnished, embracing complexity without pretension. You'll hear genuine curiosity, nuanced perspectives, and, yes, the occasional bit of cussing when the topic calls for it. The goal is to offer a space for reflection on how these fundamental aspects of being human collide and coexist. If you've ever wondered about the psychological roots of faith, the spirituality of non-belief, or just how our brains make sense of the profound, this podcast provides a grounded, accessible entry point to those questions.
Author: Language: English Episodes: 100

Religion on the Mind
Podcast Episodes
Redefining Success with John Mark McMillan & Thomas Torrey (#316) [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 1:17:49
​​In this episode of You Have Permission, I speak with indie Christian recording artist John Mark McMillan and filmmaker Thomas Torrey about Thomas's film "Long December," which explores the story of a musician facing th…
How Psychology has Changed our Faith (#315) [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 49:38
Laird Edman, Myron Penner, and Kristen Tideman join me to talk about how psychological science has transformed our faith. We discuss how the cognitive science of religion has allowed us to hold theological claims with an…
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In this episode, Dan sits down with legal scholar and author Jeffrey Rosen to discuss his book The Pursuit of Happiness: How Classical Writers on Virtue Inspired the Lives of the Founders and Defined America. Starting fr…
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Duration: 1:34:45
In this episode, I talk with Stephen Keech, frontman of metalcore band Haste the Day, about maintaining Christian faith in a scene where many have moved away from religious identification. Stephen shares his journey from…
“Woo” Spirituality & Comedy (#312) [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 40:55
Comedian Jenny Zigrino joins me to discuss comedy and mystical spirituality. Drawing from her background in Reform Judaism and early exposure to yoga, Jenny articulated how she combines traditional religious practices wi…
Religion & Sports (Gods and GOATS) (#311) [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 1:02:16
In this third appearance on You Have Permission, Dr. Terry Shoemaker of Arizona State University joins me to discuss the parallels between religion and sports as described in his new book Religion and Sports: The Basics.…
The (Spiritual) World is Not Fair (#310) [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 39:05
In this episode, philosopher Michelle Panchuk joins me to discuss the "just world hypothesis" — the belief that people get what they deserve in life, similar to karma. Michelle, whose early scholarly work on spiritual ab…
All About Narcissism (#309) [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 1:00:13
In this episode, I sat down with Chuck DeGroat, known for his work on narcissism in church contexts, for a wide-ranging conversation about the intersection of narcissistic patterns and religious communities. Chuck shared…
GGCH: Best of 2024 & Celebrities Getting Christ-curious (#308) [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 44:27
It’s time for another Generation Gap Culture Hour where I sit down with Josh Gilbert and Tony Jones to talk about current culture from across our 20-year age perspectives. In today’s episode we talk about: How bands I to…

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