SWM 071 – Is it okay for Christians to have sexual fantasies?

Are sexual fantasies okay for Christians? Does it matter what the fantasy is? If it's only in your mind, does that make it okay? Check out the show notes here for more details and links.

The question we're answering today is:

My wife and I have had a reasonably active sex life for most of our relationship. There have been ups and downs of course, but for the most part, we really have no complaints that way.

One part of that sex life that has been around since very early on is fantasy. We both, me somewhat more than her, enjoy and get very aroused by telling each other different fantasies. The ones that are the most effective and "fun" are ones that involve other people, and even more, same-sex activity. She gets extremely aroused and has very intense orgasms when I tell her about me having sex with another man, vice versa when she tells me about having sex with another woman. Neither of these has ever actually happened, it's strictly fantasy, and neither of us actually has a desire to fulfill these fantasies, but they continue to be part of our sex life.

I don't feel guilt or shame about this at all as I feel it's only in the fantasy realm. She is all over the map. Sometimes she feels intense guilt and shame, sometimes she is ok with it. Sometimes, she tries hard to not go there, and other times she asks me to take her there. It's quite confusing for both of us.

I just want to get some feedback and perspective on this in an open, Christian forum. I'm quite certain that we are not the only couple that has this "problem" if you would call it that.
Thanks.

This month our most popular resource is Our Sexploration List - a sure-fire way to spice up your sex life without having to engage in fantasies like this. Interested in learning more? Check it out here.

Here's the post I mentioned during the podcast:

• Your definition of gross changes when you're aroused.

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