163. Anne Marie Hauben: The Truth About Non-consent, Trauma, and Speaking Up

Sexual Assault Survivor Stories Podcast with Dave Markel Guest: Anne Marie Hauben I'm honored to share this week's episode of The SASS Podcast with someone whose courage doesn't just echo across a microphone—it reverberates across decades of silence, retaliation, and survival: Anne Marie Hauben. Anne Marie isn't just a guest. She is a truth-teller, an advocate, and a woman who refused to let a lifetime of dismissal define her story. After more than 30 years of carrying the weight of an assault she endured at 18 years old, she decided she would not stay silent any longer. And in doing so, she carved out a path of empowerment for survivors everywhere who feel trapped between trauma and the societal forces that try to suffocate their truth. This conversation is raw, urgent, and profoundly human. Who Is Anne Marie Hauben? • She is a survivor of a 1990 sexual assault, perpetrated during a senior trip to Bermuda when she was 18 and extremely intoxicated. The reported perpetrator was Ward, a former city councilor in Melrose, Massachusetts. • Anne Marie endured decades of silence shaped by shame, traumatic memory, lack of parental safety, and the fear that telling the truth would bring more harm than healing. (Written testimony) • In 2016 and again in 2018, she privately confronted her perpetrator through personal messages seeking accountability, remorse, or even acknowledgment. Both attempts were ignored; the second resulted in her being blocked. (Testimony) • In 2023, when her perpetrator ran for city council, her trauma was violently retraumatized and shoved back into the light. The anxiety, fear, flashbacks, and PTSD symptoms became overwhelming, forcing her to grapple with her past in a public way to protect herself, her community, and other survivors. (Testimony) • She ultimately sought legal guidance and published a public statement so voters would know who they were electing. Instead of support, she faced a wave of defamation threats, intimidation, and a coordinated effort by community members to discredit her. (Testimony) • Today, she is a vocal survivor-advocate pushing for reform in defamation law, accountability in local government, protections for survivors, and cultural change around how we respond to sexual violence. • She uses her platform, Amplified Voice Healing, to speak openly about her story, help other survivors reclaim their voice, and educate the public about the patterns of retaliation, shame, and silence that protect perpetrators. (www.amplifiedvoicehealing.com) Why I Asked Anne Marie to Be on the Show • Because I'm committed to giving survivors a place where they're believed, respected, and heard—and Anne Marie has spent the last two years being silenced and attacked for speaking the truth. • Because her experience is a masterclass in how systems, communities, and defamation laws are weaponized against survivors who dare to speak out. • Because she embodies the intersection of trauma neuroscience, public accountability, and the lived experience of surviving both assault and decades of retaliation. • Because her voice is needed. For college students. For mothers. For anyone grappling with whether they're "allowed" to speak. For every survivor who worries they'll be called a liar, crazy, or unstable simply for telling the truth. • Because her story is not just her own. It is woven from the same cloth as Chanel Miller, E. Jean Carroll, Christine Blasey Ford, and every survivor whose truth confronted a powerful man shielded by convenience and denial. What We'll Explore in This Episode • The assault itself: what Anne remembers from that night in Bermuda, what trauma did to her memory, and what the aftermath looked like for an 18-year-old trying to survive without support. • The neuroscience of delayed disclosure: why trauma keeps victims silent for years or decades—and how shame, fear, and protective forgetting shape a survivor's timeline. • Retaliation, defamation threats, and silencing: how community members, friends of the perpetrator, and public officials weaponized intimidation against her to shut down her voice. • Rape culture in action: what happens when a small-town political ecosystem decides that a man's reputation is worth more than a woman's truth. • Healing, advocacy, and finding purpose: how Anne turned her pain into public testimony, activism, and a platform for educating others about accountability and survivor protection. My Personal Reflection I want to acknowledge Anne Marie's courage. What she carried for three decades would have broken many people. Yet she continues to speak out with clarity, strength, and conviction, not just for herself but for every survivor who has been told to stay quiet. Listening to Anne Marie share her story so openly, and hearing the resilience and emotional labor it took to put her truth into the public square, is proof that SASS is a platform is for victims and survivors to be able to further their pursuit of justice and the commitment to normalize the conversation. Anne Marie's experience is not just recounting a traumatic event—she's exposing the machinery that keeps perpetrators safe and survivors silent. I'm grateful Anne chose to trust me with her story. I'm grateful my listeners get to learn from her, feel with her, and rethink what accountability truly looks like. And I'm truly proud to have had her on this show. Audience Takeaway • No survivor owes anyone immediate disclosure. Trauma rewrites the rules of time. • Anne's experience is both a warning and a call to action. Rape culture is not theoretical—it's lived every day in the systems that dismissed and attacked her. • If you are a survivor: you're not alone. Your timeline is valid. Your truth is yours to tell when you are ready. • If you are part of a community, a school, a department, or a justice system: please pay attention. These patterns repeat everywhere. Silence is the abuser's best friend. • And if you've ever wondered why survivors take years to speak: this episode will change the way you think about trauma forever. Anne Marie, thank you for standing up, speaking out, and refusing to keep your pain quiet. And to our SASS listeners: brace yourselves. This episode is powerful, necessary, and is one of those important conversations I regularly bring to the podcast to help normalize the conversation about rape and sexual assault. An important side note: if you're finding value in this show and these amazing episodes, please take a moment to leave a 5-star rating on your podcast platform. AND, follow SexualAssaultSurvivorStories on Instagram, then, please send me a note of support. I can't tell you how much your emails mean to me—they fuel my passion to keep this podcast going. And if you're a victim or survivor and are ready to tell your story in order to help yourself or someone else heal, let me know, and we can start a conversation about the possibility of you being on the show. Here's my email address: dave@sasstories.com Thank you to all of you who have reached out to me already. Just provide me with a phone number where I can reach back out to you…because I like to talk to people who are interested in guesting. And please keep those emails and texts coming…I truly look forward to hearing from you! Here are some critically important links that I hope you'll take the time to explore, and where a contribution is requested, please consider doing so! — Thank you!! https://www.amplifiedvoicehealing.com/my-advocacy-work https://www.instagram.com/amplifiedvoicehealing?utm_source=ig_web_button_share_sheet&igsh=ZDNlZDc0MzIxNw== https://1in6.org/ https://www.kirtland.af.mil/News/Article-Display/Article/817825/psychologist-addresses-sexual-violence/ https://static.csbsju.edu/Documents/Counseling%20and%20Health%20Promotions/CERTS/David%20Lisak%20article.pdf?utm_source=chatgpt.com https://time.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/09/repeat_rape.pdf?utm_source=chatgpt.com https://docs.house.gov/meetings/AS/AS00/20130123/100231/HHRG-113-AS00-Bio-LisakD-20130123.pdf?utm_source=chatgpt.com https://soulwisesolutions.com https://safeinharmsway.org https://sironahealing.com/ https://www.whattheydontsay.com https://www.survivor-school.com/?ref=DAVEMARKEL www.arcigrey.com https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/invisible-no-more-lady-veterans-stories-of-military/id1754061590 https://startbybelieving.org https://evawintl.org/ As mentioned, and emphasized, it's time to Normalize the Conversation.™ And please remember to Start by Believing…because we all know someone whose life has been impacted by rape or sexual assault. Thank you for tuning in.