In this episode of Taboo To Truth, I sit down with surrogate partner and intimacy coach Brian Gibney to talk about what happens when touch, sex, and therapy meet. We walk through the origins of surrogate partner therapy, how it supports traditional talk therapy, and why it sits inside the world of sex work while still holding clear ethical boundaries. Brianan explains who seeks out this work, what sessions look like in real life, how attachment and feelings show up, and why sex itself often turns out to be a symptom rather than the real issue. We also talk about non-monogamy, money, how to vet an ethical surrogate partner, and Brian’s very expansive definition of sex.
Timestamps:
In This Episode:
00:00 - What if sex was part of your therapy
01:08 - What surrogate partner therapy is and why talk therapy hits a limit
03:42 - Masters and Johnson and the birth of surrogate partners
06:05 - Sex work, the “whorarchy”, and where surrogates sit in it
09:18 - How surrogate partner therapy differs from full service intimacy work
11:52 - The therapeutic triad: client, therapist, surrogate
13:40 - Who seeks this work: trauma, pain, cancer, disability, shame
17:05 - First sessions, nerves, and why the work starts with “hello”
19:40 - When clients expect something more and run the “checklist” for access
22:15 - Entitlement, hard conversations, and repeating old patterns
24:05 - Attachment, feelings, and why the “box” stays small
26:10 - Brian’s non monogamy and protecting his own relationships
28:30 - Boundaries to this work
30:35 - How to vet a legitimate surrogate partner and red flags
32:10 - Brian’s expansive definition of sex and why PIV is not the gold standard
34:00 - Final thoughts
Want a deeper look? Watch the full episode on YouTube for a more visual experience of today’s discussion. This episode is best enjoyed on video—don’t miss out!
Karen Bigman, a Sexual Health Alliance Certified Sex Educator, Life, and Menopause Coach, tackles the often-taboo subject of sexuality with a straightforward and candid approach. We explore the intricacies of sex during perimenopause, post-menopause, and andropause, offering insights and support for all those experiencing these transformative phases.
This podcast is not intended to give medical advice. Karen Bigman is not a medical professional. For any medical questions or issues, please visit your licensed medical provider.
Looking for some fresh perspective on sex in midlife? You can find me here:
Email: karen@taboototruth.com
Website: https://www.taboototruth.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/taboototruth
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@taboototruthpodcast
About the Guest:
Over the course of his life, Brian has worn many hats: research scientist (BA, Molecular biology; Masters, Microbiology), teacher, professional artist, performer, and parent. The common thread that has run through all of those vocations has been his joy in learning, discovery, and improvement. In parallel with his professional life, He has also been keenly interested in interpersonal interactions, intimacy, and authenticity. These two facets have merged in his practice as a Surrogate Partner. He received his training in surrogate partner therapy from IPSA (the International Professional Surrogates Association) in 2016 and co-founded the Surrogate Partner Collective and Chair of AASECT’s Somatic S//xuality Professionals Special Interest Group.
Connect with Brian Gibney:
Website: https://www.briangibney.org
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/brian_gibney_intimacy
Karen Bigman, a Sexual Health Alliance Certified Sex Educator, Life, and Menopause Coach, tackles the often-taboo subject of sexuality with a straightforward and candid approach. We explore the intricacies of sex during perimenopause, post-menopause, and andropause, offering insights and support for all those experiencing these transformative phases.
This podcast is not intended to give medical advice. Karen Bigman is not a medical professional. For any medical questions or issues, please visit your licensed medical provider.
Looking for some fresh perspective on sex in midlife? You can find me here:
Email: karen@taboototruth.com
Website: https://www.taboototruth.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/taboototruth
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@taboototruthpodcast
Substack: https://karenbigman.substack.com
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Take control of your pleasure with my Pleasure Playbook, filled with tips to help you connect with your body and enhance intimacy. Download it now at www.taboototruth.com/pleasureplaybook.
