Ep. 458: How Birth Trauma Impacts Your Partner & Intimacy with Ashley Mariani [RECAST]

Father's Day Sale: June 14-16 If your partner wants to be more than the guy holding your Stanley cup during contractions, Dad Daze is for him. This childbirth and postpartum course teaches dads exactly how to support, advocate, and show up with confidence from pregnancy through postpartum. Use code DAD50 to save $50 at thebirthlounge.com/daddaze June 14th-16th only. *psst* If you decide a lifetime membership is for you, we won’t keep you from applying this discount code to get full access + our exclusive gift box. In this re-aired episode of The Birth Lounge Podcast, HeHe sits down with perinatal therapist Ashley Mariani for a powerful conversation about birth trauma, obstetric violence, and the ways a difficult birth experience can ripple through your postpartum life long after you've left the hospital. Together, they unpack how birth trauma can impact trust, intimacy, communication, and emotional safety within a relationship. Ashley shares why so many partners leave a traumatic birth carrying their own unresolved stress response, how feelings of helplessness in the birth room can create resentment and disconnection, and why some couples find themselves struggling to reconnect after becoming parents. HeHe and Ashley also explore the mental load that often falls on mothers after birth, the common dynamic of feeling like you're parenting your partner, and why that can quickly erode desire and partnership. They discuss emotional attunement, advocacy during labor, and the important role partners play in helping prevent birth trauma before it happens. This conversation goes beyond the typical postpartum advice and dives into what it actually takes to rebuild trust, improve communication, and find your way back to each other after a challenging birth experience. If you've ever wondered whether your birth experience changed your relationship, your intimacy, or the way you show up as a couple, this episode will leave you feeling seen, validated, and equipped with practical tools for moving forward. 00:00 Birth Trauma Reality Check01:22 Meet Ashley Mariani07:40 Partners Preventing Trauma09:40 Anecdotes vs Evidence16:58 Pandemic Policies Fallout21:19 When Intimacy Disappears24:51 Dads Carry Trauma Too30:18 Masculine Feminine Energy33:03 Safety and Resentment Loop34:39 Dad Daze Course Break37:37 Patterns After Birth Trauma38:32 Resentment Kills Desire39:59 Man Child Dynamic42:23 Initiation Into Manhood53:48 Helicopter Parenting Fallout57:09 Love Languages Learning Styles58:47 Teach Needs By Style01:04:07 Love Language Mismatch01:07:02 Therapy Shared Accountability01:09:44 Intimacy Resources Plug01:11:16 Final Wrap And Outro Guest Bio: Ashley Mariani is a registered social worker specializing in perinatal mental health, couples therapy, sexual wellness, and birth trauma recovery. She is a passionate advocate against obstetric violence and helps individuals and couples navigate the emotional, relational, and physiological impacts of difficult birth experiences. Drawing from her background in sexuality, counseling, couples work, nervous system regulation, and holistic health, Ashley supports families in building resilience, healing trauma, and creating deeper connection in parenthood. She is also the mother of three free-spirited children, including twins. Connect with Ashley: https://mindonline.ca/ SOCIAL MEDIA: Connect with HeHe on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/tranquilitybyhehe/ Connect with Ashley on IG: https://www.instagram.com/therogue.therapist/   BIRTH EDUCATION: Learn how to stay in control of your birth and reduce the risk of unnecessary interventions in our Avoid a C-Section Webinar. HeHe breaks down the cascade of interventions, explains what’s really happening in the hospital, and shares practical strategies to protect your birth plan, advocate for yourself, and navigate labor with confidence. Perfect for anyone who wants a positive, informed hospital birth experience: https://www.thebirthlounge.com/csectio