# Pam Malarkey-Robbins on Finding Humor, Hope, and Strength While Facing Dementia

# Pam Malarkey-Robbins on Finding Humor, Hope, and Strength While Facing Dementia
In this episode of **The Neil Haley Show**, Neil “The Media Giant” Haley welcomes **Pam Malarkey-Robbins**, author of *What’s So Funny About Dementia?* and *The Brighter Side of Dementia*. Presented in partnership with **Books to Life Marketing**, the conversation explores the emotional reality of dementia, the enormous pressure placed on caregivers, and Pam’s belief that humor can help families survive one of life’s most difficult journeys.
Pam’s connection to dementia is deeply personal. She helped care for her mother, her late husband, and other family members affected by the disease. During her mother’s decline, Pam says she cried almost every day while her father became increasingly angry and frustrated. Eventually, the two made a conscious decision: if this was going to be a long road, they needed to find moments they could laugh about.
That decision became the foundation for *What’s So Funny About Dementia?*
Pam emphasizes that the humor is never about mocking the person with dementia. It is about laughing **with** them and finding relief in situations that would otherwise feel unbearable. She believes laughter gave her family emotional space to keep going while also helping them manage the stress, grief, and exhaustion of caregiving.
As a counselor and psychologist who now works with caregivers, Pam says one of her strongest messages is that caregivers must care for themselves too. She shares the story of a Marine whose wife developed dementia and became increasingly angry and combative. He visited her memory-care facility multiple times every day until Pam finally encouraged him to take a vacation. After a week away, she says he returned emotionally restored.
Her message is simple: if the caregiver becomes physically or emotionally destroyed, there may be nobody left to care for the loved one.
Pam also talks candidly about how dementia can dramatically change behavior. Her own mother became convinced Pam was her father’s girlfriend and refused to let her inside the house. In another setting, however, her mother still recognized her as her daughter. Pam describes experiences like these as heartbreaking reminders that dementia affects much more than simple forgetfulness.
She encourages families to remember that anger, accusations, confusion, and personality changes can be symptoms of the disease rather than intentional attacks from the person they love.
The conversation also addresses possible early warning signs. Pam describes repeated questions, unexplained vehicle damage, wandering, changes in sleep patterns, forgetting familiar information, and increasing confusion as behaviors families may want to discuss with a qualified medical professional. She recounts realizing something was wrong with her husband after he returned home with significant damage to his vehicle but could not remember what had happened.
Pam stresses that occasional forgetfulness can occur with normal aging, stress, or fatigue, but persistent changes deserve attention.
Another major theme is keeping both the body and brain active as people age. Drawing from her own research and personal experience, Pam encourages exercise, nutritious food, adequate sleep, stress reduction, continued social interaction, and mentally challenging activities. She mentions dancing, learning a language, playing an instrument, gardening, puzzles, reading, and researching subjects that genuinely interest you.
Neil adds that retirement should not mean retiring the mind. People who spent decades using their intelligence, creativity, and professional abilities should continue finding new ways to challenge themselves. The two discuss learning new technology, including AI, as another possible way to stay intellectually engaged.
Pam also speaks about the loneliness that can accompany dementia. As people recognize their own memory...