Haven and Koy's journey to parenthood included IVF, IUIs, anonymous and known donors, multiple moves, and ultimately foster care—where they met and adopted their 6-year-old son, River. In this final episode of our Pride Extravaganza, they open up to our host, Jaimie Kelton, about what it’s really like navigating foster-to-adopt as queer parents, how loss and resilience shaped their parenting journey, and how all of it inspired a new film.
Oh—and did we mention River is the star of that film?
This episode is loud, joyful, chaotic, and beautifully honest—just like queer family life.
🎙️ “Each child has their own story, and I don’t own them—I’m just a steward of this being in this particular form.” - Haven
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🏳️🌈 Key Takeaways
- Queer family building isn’t linear. Haven and Koy tried it all—IVF, IUI, anonymous and known donors—before ultimately becoming parents through foster-to-adopt.
- Loss and resilience go hand in hand. Their journey included fertility struggles and miscarriage, but they remained open to the many ways a family can form.
- Foster care is complex—and emotional. They share what it’s really like to foster with the hope of adopting, and how they advocated fiercely to keep their son, River, in their home.
- Chosen family is real (and loud). River’s extended family includes his birth relatives and his very queer, very loving forever parents—and yes, sometimes a dog or cat impression.
- Art imitates life. Koy turned their family’s experience into a powerful new film, Getting Back, exploring grief, healing, and the magic of imagination—with River in the starring role.
🏳️🌈 About the Guest(s)🏳️🌈
Haven and Koy are partners, parents, and creatives raising their son, River, in Oregon. Haven is an attorney and actor-turned-filmmaker, and Koy is a musician and comedian with a flair for the unexpected (she once had three personas on stage at once—ask her about it). Together, they’ve navigated the complex and emotional terrain of queer family building—from IVF and known donor insemination to the foster care system and adoption.
Their lived experience inspired Haven’s latest film, Getting Back, starring none other than River himself. The film is a meditation on grief, love, and imagination—everything their family is built on
🏳️🌈 Resources Mentioned
🏳️🌈 What resonated most with you?
Drop a comment, DM us, or email thequeerfamilypodcast@gmail.com—we love hearing your stories!
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🏳️🌈 Edited by: Jerson Barajas 🏳️🌈 Theme Song by: Tiffany Topol 🏳️🌈 Logo by: Daneen Stevenato 🏳️🌈 Shop merch here. 🏳️🌈 Full transcript & episode info available on our website
🗳️ VOTE. 🏳️🌈🏳️⚧️ ADVOCATE. 🍼 BUILD QUEER FAMILIES.
The information shared in this episode is for educational purposes only and not a substitute for professional advice. Always consult a trusted professional for your specific situation!
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