It’s a question that feels increasingly relevant. We see reminders everywhere—on social media, on coffee shop signs, in corporate slogans—to "be kind." But why do we need these constant nudges? Have we truly forgotten how to be compassionate towards each other?.
The truth is, we haven't forgotten. Human beings are naturally wired to be kind. When we see somebody struggling, our first instinct is to help. The problem isn't a lack of knowledge; it's that something else is getting in the way. That "something" is the overwhelming personal stress born from our modern obsession with chasing an external idea of success.
The Vicious Cycle of Stress and "Lack"
We have designed complicated, difficult lives for ourselves. We are in a constant chase, always running after something more. The speaker in a recent episode argues that we have gone so far towards materialism that our personal stress has grown too large, making compassion for others difficult to dig out of our system. When we are struggling to achieve success ourselves, it's only natural that we don't have the capacity for others. We are so caught up in our own day-to-day struggles that we become consumed by our own stress.
This creates what can be described as a "state of lack". We fixate on what we haven't achieved yet, on what we
don't have. And when we are living in a state of lack, we cannot feel gratitude, joy, peace, or calm. It's a vicious cycle: if we don't feel inner peace, we cannot be kind to other people, because we put out what we think. If we're thinking "lack," we're putting out "lack".
The "Destination Happiness" Trap
Many of us fall into the trap of "destination happiness"—the belief that "When I get there, I'll be happy". We tell ourselves that when we have a certain amount of money, a specific job, or the perfect relationship, then we will finally feel joy.
But it’s a finish line that always moves. A powerful story was shared about a client who, despite having more money in his bank account than he had ever dreamed of 20 years ago, was still unhappy and fixated on needing "financial freedom". He never took the time to stop and applaud himself for how far he had come. He was so focused on the next destination that he couldn't enjoy the place he had already reached.
How many times have you done the same? We are taught to constantly chase more, but we rarely savor the things that are already beautiful in our lives. It could be the stranger on the street who gives you a beautiful smile, or a friend who takes you out for coffee on your birthday. How much are we savoring that joy?.
Kindness Isn't an Action, It's a Byproduct
Here is the most profound takeaway: kindness isn’t something we need to be reminded about. It is within each of us, a natural byproduct of being alive.
If we were at peace, calm in our own energy, happy, and joy-filled, then kindness would come naturally to us. When clients reach that place of peace and calm, they automatically want to do things for others, like paying for the coffee for the person behind them in line. You don’t think about doing those things when you are suffering or in a state of lack.
The filters of wanting more, needing more, and struggling to get more are what stand between us and our compassion. The solution isn’t to try harder to be kind. The solution is to heal the mindset that blocks our natural state of joy.
The next time you see a reminder to be kind, ask yourself:
Do I need this reminder, or am I already being compassionate?. If you are, give yourself a pat on the back. And if you're not, take a moment to think about all the blessings that already exist in your life and share some gratitude for them.
All of our problems start and end in our minds. Let’s do the work to
peel, feel, deal, and heal whatever is going on in there. Let's clear the path to being truly joyful, and in doing so, become truly, effortlessly kind to ourselves and everyone around us.
If these ideas resonate with you and you'd like to continue the conversation on finding inner peace and living a more compassionate life, I invite you to follow my journey on Instagram. Join the community @mindbodyspiritwarrior for more daily reflections and inspiration.
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A Reminder for You
If you’re struggling right now, remember this: You’ve already survived 100% of your hardest days. Take it one small step at a time, and don’t hesitate to reach out for support.
About the Creator
Chitra Rochlani is a Wellness Coach, Speaker, and best-selling author of She’s on a mission to help her clients eliminate stress and loneliness, feel more aligned, and live a life of fulfillment and passion.As a medium and intuitive healer, she educates and empowers her clients to tap into their most underutilized superpower—their intuition—to navigate their lives and make WINx3 decisions.She uses her P.F.H. (Peel, Feel, Heal) framework to inspire transformation through:
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