I hate to fly. I hate everything about it. Getting up 72 hours before your flight so you can drive to a crowded airport with terrible parking. I hate the 19 lines you wait in to do all the things. Take your shoes off. Put your belt back on while scurrying to go buy a $12 bottle of water in a gift shop so you can sit on the floor next to a power outlet and charge your phone. Hurry up and wait.
Do you have unassigned seating on your flight? Well, that’s just the worst. The anxiety of standing in a batch of people waiting to get on the plane in groups is only rivaled by the anxiety you feel when making that right turn into the plane hoping that you’ll find an empty seat towards the front of the plane. Good luck with that!
Once you do find some room in the overhead for your bag and an open seat, it’s time to open the little plastic air nozzle that wheezes recirculating humid passenger farts from everyone in the tin can onto the top of your head and lap as you wait for the violent take off.
But before they hit the friendly skies, all passengers are treated to some safety instructions where they discover there are overhead breathing apparatus and floating seat cushions. Flight staff is quick to remind us that adults sitting next to children should put on their own masks first and then see to their kids.
WHAT A MENTOR CAN LEARN FROM THE PREFLIGHT INSTRUCTIONS:
-We THRIVE so they can THRIVE. If the adult on a flight doesn’t take care of their own breathing mask first, they’re not gonna be any good to anybody! The same is true of mentors. If we are barely surviving, we will struggle to help our mentees thrive.
-It needs to be said. When you’re young, your reflex is to look out for yourself. When you’re a parent, your knee jerk response is to see to your child. The airline gives the instruction to remind us as parents that we must first take care of us so we can take care of them.
-There is too much at stake! Airlines give us emergency instructions because the stakes are high! It’s the same with mentoring. We never want to do damage within this relationship.
Three Steps to Healthy Mentoring
- Be Proactive. Make sure you are putting on that Armor of God before leaving the house! Is your faith strong? Are you growing in your faith? Do you have the margin of time and effort it takes to be a consistent and healthy mentor? If so, great! If not, what will it take to get there?
- Communicate. We all have some turbulence in our lives that make us less-than-optimal mentors. You’ll forget a meet up. You’ll be distracted sometimes or say the wrong thing to your mentee. When these things happen be quick to apologize and see everything as a teachable moment. Ask your mentee to forgive you. Practice and model conflict resolution. Your mentee will learn a lot from how you handle things.
- Know when to make adjustments, hit the flight attendant button, or pull the plug altogether. You may need to pause meeting with your mentee so you can see to yourself. You may need to call in reinforcements. There are also times when you just need to cancel meeting altogether. Each of these decisions takes prayer, counsel, and wisdom.
As in all areas of life, decisions are best made in community. Proverbs 15:22 reminds us that “plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisors they succeed.”
I may always prefer driving cross country to flying, but when I do fly, it’s good to be reminded that as mentors the health of our relationship with our mentee is 100% dependent on the health of our relationship with Christ.
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