228. The Rule of Three // Mentoring Minute

Safety is the name of the game when it comes to mentoring. You always want to have safety on the mind when you are hanging out with your mentee. First priority is always to keep the child safe, but another aspect of safety is following rules and procedures so you stay above reproach and free of any possible accusation. 

One of the best ways to keep everyone safe in the mentoring journey is called the rule of three. The rule of three means that there are always three parties involved when you are hanging out with your mentee. The third person can be a crowded place, a friend of yours or the mentee, or a member of your family or the mentee’s family. 

In our organizations, the rule of three is something that we stress to every mentor, no matter age or experience. Of course we realize that, from time to time, you will be found alone with your mentee. Here are some tips to make those rare times more safe.

• Car ride: Perhaps you are picking them up for a car ride. If you find yourself in that position, it is vital that you let someone, either a parent or your mentoring organization, know when the mentee gets in the car with you and when you get to your desired location. 
• Room: If you find yourself in a room alone with your mentee, make sure to let other people around know you are in there and keep the door open. 
• Event: Try your hardest to get someone else to go with you. Whether it be a mentee’s friend or sibling or your own child, spouse, or friend. 

If you ever find yourself in a situation that doesn’t seem safe, do whatever you can to get out of that situation immediately and communicate the situation with either the parent or the mentoring organization. We recommend never doing an overnight. 

We understand that relational depth and capital are vital to an effective mentoring relationship, but we must pursue those things within the boundaries of a safe relationship. If you want to have a private talk, perhaps have it at a local park. If you need to have a hard conversation, try going for a walk around the neighborhood. 

Yes, following safety guidelines will add some challenges to your mentoring relationship, just like stopping at a red light, wearing a seat belt, and driving the speed limit slow you down a bit. But they are vital to keep everyone safe. 

The rule of three is a non-negotiable in any mentoring relationship I am a part of. When in doubt, over-communicate with a third party, especially a parent. We want to stay above reproach for all parties involved. The stakes are too high when it comes to the safety of your mentee. 

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