Earn the Right to Be Heard
You may have heard the saying “a kid doesn’t care what you know until they know that you care.” It is one of my favorite sayings because I think it is 100% accurate.
I have seen many mentors get rejected when they try to start the mentoring relationship with giving the mentee advice. Simply put, your mentee really doesn’t care what you know. Most are not impressed by your job title or college degree. They don’t want to hear about your financial planning strategy or how you became successful, at least not right off the bat.
We must earn the right to be heard.
Early on in my mentoring journey, one of my mentees named Jason wanted nothing to do with me. All I got from him were icy glares, one word answers, and sarcastic put downs. I would come home rejected and thinking that Jason hated me.
But it was just a test. You see, while I thought Jason didn’t like me, he was really sizing me up to see if he would allow me to be a part of his life. He wasn’t being mean; he was protecting himself. Jason didn’t open up until he knew that I was the real deal, and that took a lot of work.
Here are three ways that you can earn the right to be heard with your mentee.
- Keep showing up: Perseverance is required in your mentoring journey. Some mentees will warm up to you the second they meet you, but others, especially older mentees, may take some time in opening up. You can win there hearts by continuing to show up time after time with a smile on your face. Know that the fight for their heart is worth it, and the waiting will pay dividends as your relationship progresses. Sarcasm, impatience, or a failure to understand why they won’t open up will delay progress. Smiles, asking questions, and putting yourself in their shoes will help open up the door.
- Seek first to understand: Realize that you are asking your mentee to open up to a total stranger is a tall order. Entering into the relationship with humility is a great way to earn you the right to be heard. You don’t know what your mentee has been through. You don’t know their past or their story. You probably don’t even know their personality or their temperament. Spend the first season of your mentoring relationship seeking to understand who they are and where they come from. Open them up to your life as well as the opportunities arise. Make it your mission to learn as much as you possibly can about your mentee and how they are wired. We must focus on them, instead of on ourselves.
- Make their life better: Serving your mentee in whatever way necessary is a great way to earn the right to be heard. How can you make their life better? Be on the lookout for creative ways to bless them. Maybe they need a ride somewhere or a connection to get a job? Perhaps its giving them access to a new experience or a place to hang out with their friends? It also could just be as simple as encouraging them and making sure they leave your presence with a laugh and a smile. Serving them in practical and encouraging ways is a great way to earn favor with your mentee.
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