Cathy and Todd talk about the double standard of managing other people’s emotions—how it’s both expected and criticized—and why this kind of emotional regulation is often misunderstood and overlooked. They also discuss menopause and why emotions can shift or intensify, and how learning what’s really going on can help the whole family better understand and respond, rather than dismissing what can be a really difficult time. Plus, they talk about The White Lotus, Yellowjackets, and talk about their upcoming conversation on navigating friendships—with our kids and within ourselves—on Wednesday, April 9th at Deerfield High School.
Some Ways to Support Us
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- Order Restoring our Girls
- Join Team Zen
- Sign up for Cathy’s Substack
- Fatherhood Full House
- Dark Side of the Moon Advance
Time Stamp
14:25 The problem with “let them”
Links shared in this episode:
The Unseen Work of Regulating Others
An Oprah Winfrey Special: The Menopause Revolution
For the full show notes, visit zenpopparenting.com.
This week’s sponsor(s):
- Avid Co DuPage County Area Decorating, Painting, Remodeling by Avid Co includes kitchens, basements, bathrooms, flooring, tiling, fire and flood restoration.
- David Serrano- Certified Financial Planner- 815-370-3780
- MenLiving – A virtual and in-person community of guys connecting deeply and living fully. No requirements, no creeds, no gurus, no judgements
- Todd Adams Life & Leadership Coaching for Guys
Other Ways to Support Us
AI Summary
Regulating Conversations in Social Situations
Cathy discusses the unseen work of regulating others in social situations, particularly within families. She explains how she often manages conversations to keep them harmonious, ensuring everyone feels included and tempering moods when necessary. This can involve subtle interventions like making eye contact, giving others a chance to speak, or even physically stopping someone from interrupting. While this work can be beneficial, Kathy acknowledges it can also be controlling and exhausting, leading to burnout. She notes that this behavior is both expected and criticized, creating a challenging dynamic for those who tend to regulate others.
Todd’s Perimenopause Experiences and Emotional Changes
Todd discussed his experiences with perimenopause, explaining that hormonal changes can lead to increased anger and emotional vulnerability. He shared that these feelings are temporary and can be managed with the right support. Todd also mentioned the importance of understanding and accepting these changes, rather than attributing them to societal stereotypes.
Supporting Partners Through Menopause
Todd discussed the challenges of supporting his wife during her menopause, emphasizing the need for understanding and empathy. He mentioned Oprah’s recent special on menopause and the importance of learning about the hormonal changes women experience. Todd also expressed frustration with the medical system, feeling he has to advocate for himself and do extensive research to get the right care. He highlighted the need for men to better understand and support their partners during this time.
Addressing Personal and Societal Issues
Todd discussed the challenges of dealing with personal and societal issues while maintaining a positive demeanor. He emphasized the importance of acknowledging and addressing these issues, even if they are uncomfortable or difficult to discuss. Todd also mentioned the need for emotional release and the impact of external factors on personal well-being. The team discussed the importance of open communication and the need to address topics that are often overlooked. Todd concluded by promoting the Team Zen parenting virtual community and the services of Jeremy Kraft.
