Cathy and Todd discuss Netflix’s documentary Unknown Number: The High School Catfish and how texts and constant accessibility blur the line between connection and chaos. What started as “stranger danger” in Gen X childhood has become “tech danger” in our kids’ phones—cyberbullying, rumors, and anonymous numbers lighting up at all hours. The documentary shows how quickly trust can unravel and how phones have become symbols of both intimacy and manipulation. The deeper lesson is that parenting through technology requires more than control or surveillance, it demands emotional maturity, boundaries, and the courage to talk honestly about what’s happening behind the screen.
Avid Co DuPage County Area Decorating, Painting, Remodeling by Avid Co includes kitchens, basements, bathrooms, flooring, tiling, fire and flood restoration.
Todd and Sweetie discussed a new documentary called “Unknown Number: The High School Catfish,” directed by Skye Borgman, which tells the story of Lauren and Owen, a teenage couple from a small town in Michigan who were cyberbullied for 22 months. They highlighted the documentary’s relevance to Gen X parenting and its potential to spark discussions about cell phones, emotional maturity, and parenting. Todd and Sweetie also mentioned Sweetie’s book “Restoring Our Girls” and their involvement with Team Zen, offering a free subscription to their Substack newsletter for team members.
Parenting in the Digital Age
The discussion centered on a documentary about inappropriate text messages sent to a teenage couple in 2020, highlighting the evolving landscape of anonymous communication and its impact on children. Todd shared insights into the differences between Gen X and current parenting experiences, noting the shift from unsupervised childhood activities to heightened technological concerns. He also discussed the decline in child harm statistics despite persistent “stranger danger” fears and shared anecdotes about prank calls and ding-dong ditching, contrasting these with modern parenting practices and the role of technology in children’s lives.
Tech Evolution and Parenting Concerns
Todd discussed the evolution of communication technologies and their impact on parenting, particularly focusing on the shift from traditional “stranger danger” concerns to modern “tech danger” issues. He traced the development from caller ID and party lines in the 1990s to social media and DMs in the 2010s, noting how smartphones and apps like Facebook, Instagram, and Snapchat have changed both children’s experiences and parental concerns about screen time and online safety.
Small Town Dynamics and Technology
Todd discussed the dynamics of small towns, drawing from his experience growing up in Dekalb, Illinois, and how these dynamics played a role in the documentary. He noted that in wealthier towns, more resources might be directed towards solving issues, and he observed that parents in the town featured in the documentary seemed overinvested in their children’s lives. Todd also shared his memories of early internet technology, including the excitement of getting online and the challenges of using dial-up connections, before transitioning to a discussion about the Blair Witch Project and its impact.
Unraveling Threats: A Young Couple’s Story
The documentary tells the story of Lauren and Owen, a young couple who were targeted by anonymous text messages in 2020, escalating to 40-50 daily threats and suicidal content. The authorities initially struggled to handle the case, with the sheriff being unhelpful and only involving the FBI after a year. The FBI liaison, Bradley, successfully traced the messages to a Verizon phone number and identified the perpetrator, though the documentary ends before revealing the answer.
Cyberbullying Trauma and Misunderstanding
The group discussed a documentary about a girl named Lauren who was targeted by cyberbullying, with the shocking revelation that her mother, Kendra Licari, was actually the perpetrator. They explored how Lauren’s seemingly calm reaction to the discovery could be explained by dissociation, a trauma response that protects the brain from overwhelming experiences. The discussion also touched on how society often misinterprets the reactions of trauma survivors, particularly women, and the importance of understanding trauma responses when dealing with such cases.
Kendra’s Stalking and Manipulation Case
Todd and his friend discussed the documentary “Rolling in the Deep,” focusing on the case of Kendra, a woman who stalked her daughter Lauren and others while claiming her actions were for their protection. Kendra was arrested in December 2022, pleaded guilty to stalking charges, and served 18 months in prison before being released on parole in August 2024. They explored the complex dynamics of the relationship between Kendra and Lauren, including Kendra’s manipulation and emotional abuse, as well as the potential impact of Kendra’s own traumatic experiences on her behavior.
Understanding Performance and Factitious Parenting
Todd discussed three topics related to parenting: performance parenting, parents living through their children, and factitious disorder by proxy (formerly Munchausen syndrome). He explained that performance parenting involves focusing on surface-level actions rather than genuine emotional connections with children, while parents who live through their children have difficulty separating their own lives from their children’s. Todd also described factitious disorder by proxy, using examples from movies and real-life cases, highlighting how some parents fabricate or induce illnesses in their children for attention or control.
Factitious Disorder: Psychological Manipulation
Todd discussed factitious disorder, a condition where individuals feign illness or cause harm to others for attention or other motivations. He shared insights from a podcast hosted by Andrea Dunlop, who explores cases of this disorder and its prevalence, noting that mothers are typically the perpetrators while fathers often enable them. Todd highlighted the similarities between the tactics used in factitious disorders and those employed by cult leaders, emphasizing the complex psychological factors at play.
Attention-Seeking Behaviors in Children
Todd shared personal anecdotes about attention-seeking behaviors in children and discussed a documentary about factitious disorder by proxy, where a mother used technology to manipulate her daughter. He explained how the documentary highlighted how people, including parents, can become overly involved in their children’s lives and the complex dynamics involved. Todd also mentioned a podcast episode he did about 10 years ago related to conscious parenting and ended the segment with a song about a protective mother.
Think of a song that instantly transports you back to a specific moment, or a movie line that perfectly captures a feeling you couldn't name. That's the territory explored in Zen Pop. Hosted by Todd and Cathy Adams, this podcast isn't just a review show; it's a conversation that uses the shared language of pop culture-from classic films and TV to the soundtrack of a generation-as a starting point for something more personal. Each discussion begins with a familiar piece of music, a film, or a cultural moment, then gently unfolds into a deeper look at our own emotional blueprints, relationships, and the ways our past informs our present. The tone is grounded, often humorous, and carries a distinctly Gen X perspective, treating the artifacts of our collective memory not as mere entertainment, but as mirrors reflecting our patterns, blind spots, and ongoing growth. Listening to this podcast feels like having a thoughtful, nostalgic, and surprisingly insightful chat with old friends who believe that the movies we quote and the songs we replay have a lot more to teach us about who we are and how we connect. It’s about finding the quiet wisdom hidden in the noise of popular culture.
Author: Todd and Cathy Adams
Language: en-us
Episodes: 100
Todd and Cathy emphasize the importance of being present, thinking critically, and doing in parenting, and discussed the concept of human archetypes and the need to focus on the present moment. They also shared personal…
Cathy & Todd discuss why our kids feel pressure to conform, focusing on when it’s developmentally appropriate and when it may be cause for concern. They also discuss how adults feel the same pressure to conform, emphasiz…
Todd and Cathy discuss the importance and value of difficult conversations in partnership and parenting, emphasizing the two extremes: complete avoidance or overbearing insistence on discussing things. They explore how t…
Todd and Cathy discuss what brings us joy when we are young versus what brings us joy when we are older. They also discuss agreements that can be made within a relationship to keep communication open and healthy. They sh…
Todd and Cathy discuss who’s in the inner circle of the Brat Pack and who is Brat Pack adjacent based on their memories from the 80s and their experience with Andrew McCarthy’s Brat Pack Documentary. They discuss how gro…
Cathy and Todd discuss how women are socialized to become smaller and more restricted, and then begin to unwind and unfold this process once they become aware of what’s happening. Cathy provides an overview of this in he…
Todd and Cathy discuss acceptance and emphasize the importance of releasing old ideas and remaining open to new ones in order to figure out how to accept and move forward. They also discuss the reality of nuance and para…
Cathy and Todd discuss why necessary conversations are so difficult to manage and why and how we try to avoid them. They share examples of the experiences that lead to avoidance and offer insights into developing underst…
Cathy and Todd discuss Netflix’s ‘Love on the Spectrum’ and why the people and families featured make it such a good watch. They discuss the importance of loving, and liking, our children just as they are, and how this a…
