It’s not the stimuli, it’s …

It’s not the stimuli, it’s …

Author: Jane Beddall June 20, 2024 Duration: 5:15

My most recent guest, Natalie McVeigh, talked with me about the neuroscience of stress and conflict. Here’s one excellent idea to highlight from our conversation. To paraphrase:

There’s a lot of research on stress, and this one conclusion is key --

It’s not the stimuli, it’s our response to those stimuli.

First step, be aware. What am I feeling? Is my body telling me that I am stressed? Second step, try to understand what about that stimulus is stressing you. What is the perceived threat? Figuring that out may take a moment. So, buy some time. Take a breath. As a few minutes pass, you are allowing your body to calm itself. Ask a question, calmly. Ask more. Get some clarification. Try to unearth what stressed you.  To get to a place where your body drops down from high alert to a calmer place.

A place where you can then be able to more easily say and do things that will serve you better and will not invite or exacerbate unnecessary negative conflict. 

 

Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@dovetailresolutions.com! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.

Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving. 


In a world where disagreements often feel like dead ends, Crafting Solutions to Conflict offers a different path-one built on practical tools and a genuinely constructive mindset. Hosted by Jane Beddall, whose background in both law and mediation brings a unique depth to the conversation, this podcast moves beyond theory to the everyday realities of navigating tension. You’ll hear discussions that reframe conflict not as something to dread, but as a potential catalyst for stronger connections and better outcomes, whether at home, in the workplace, or within your community. Each episode feels like a thoughtful dialogue, unpacking familiar yet challenging concepts. Jane guides listeners through ideas like addressing the ‘elephants in the room,’ finding ways to ‘expand the pie’ for mutual gain, and understanding why ‘cookie-cutter’ solutions often fall short. The focus is consistently on preserving valued relationships by preventing unnecessary damage and resolving issues that do arise with clarity and respect. Tuning into this podcast provides more than just advice; it’s an ongoing exploration of how to build and restore harmony through intentional communication. If you’re looking for actionable perspectives that blend wisdom from the realms of society, business, and personal growth, you’ll find a trusted resource here.
Author: Language: English Episodes: 100

Crafting Solutions to Conflict
Podcast Episodes
Quitting while you are behind [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 3:37
Why quit while you are behind? Because if you continue the fight, you may dig a deeper hole for yourself. Possibilities for a small loss can become a bigger one when those with the upper hand become angry or frustrated.…
Quitting while you’re ahead and … [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 4:52
It’s not always easy to quit while you are ahead. But, when ongoing relationships matter, it’s worth the effort. How to do it? First, keep a laser focus on the prize. Not the peripheral issues. Let them go. Next, think a…
Sherri Noxel on the challenges of family farms [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 28:12
Sherri Noxel joins me today to talk about the challenges of family farms. These family businesses encounter the familiar ones – including the role of nonfamily employees, succession planning, and addressing legacy issues…
Conflicting money perspectives about giving [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 4:54
We can have very different views about charitable giving and that can lead to conflict. Magic, easy answers will be elusive. But a few reminders can help. Know your own priorities and values and be true to them. First, d…
Conflicting money perspectives about spending [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 5:13
Fundamentally, it’s best to avoid a conflict. We are not required to form judgments about other people’s spending. We can let that go and focus on other things. And if we do form judgments, we can keep them to ourselves.…
Conflicting money perspectives about income [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 6:08
We can have attitudes about other people’s income sources. And we can consider if and how we share our thoughts. Going back to my most recent guest, Natalie WagnerWillis: we need to be clear on our own priorities and val…
Collaborative Practice -- application [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 4:45
The International Academy of Collaborative Professionals offers this definition: “Collaborative Practice is a voluntary dispute resolution process in which parties settle without resort to litigation.” “Each party must b…
Collaborative Practice – the basics [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 4:45
From the website of the International Academy of Collaborative Professionals: “Collaborative Practice is a voluntary dispute resolution process in which parties settle without resort to litigation.” The key point: “Each…
Peter Johnson on building family connection, well-being, and legacy [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 27:02
Peter Johnson joins me today. We talk about his book, The Little Book of Family Treasure: Building Family Connection, Well-Being, and Legacy.And Peter explains how collaborative practice, more commonly known in the field…