It’s not the stimuli, it’s …

It’s not the stimuli, it’s …

Author: Jane Beddall June 20, 2024 Duration: 5:15

My most recent guest, Natalie McVeigh, talked with me about the neuroscience of stress and conflict. Here’s one excellent idea to highlight from our conversation. To paraphrase:

There’s a lot of research on stress, and this one conclusion is key --

It’s not the stimuli, it’s our response to those stimuli.

First step, be aware. What am I feeling? Is my body telling me that I am stressed? Second step, try to understand what about that stimulus is stressing you. What is the perceived threat? Figuring that out may take a moment. So, buy some time. Take a breath. As a few minutes pass, you are allowing your body to calm itself. Ask a question, calmly. Ask more. Get some clarification. Try to unearth what stressed you.  To get to a place where your body drops down from high alert to a calmer place.

A place where you can then be able to more easily say and do things that will serve you better and will not invite or exacerbate unnecessary negative conflict. 

 

Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at jb@dovetailresolutions.com! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.

Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving. 


In a world where disagreements often feel like dead ends, Crafting Solutions to Conflict offers a different path-one built on practical tools and a genuinely constructive mindset. Hosted by Jane Beddall, whose background in both law and mediation brings a unique depth to the conversation, this podcast moves beyond theory to the everyday realities of navigating tension. You’ll hear discussions that reframe conflict not as something to dread, but as a potential catalyst for stronger connections and better outcomes, whether at home, in the workplace, or within your community. Each episode feels like a thoughtful dialogue, unpacking familiar yet challenging concepts. Jane guides listeners through ideas like addressing the ‘elephants in the room,’ finding ways to ‘expand the pie’ for mutual gain, and understanding why ‘cookie-cutter’ solutions often fall short. The focus is consistently on preserving valued relationships by preventing unnecessary damage and resolving issues that do arise with clarity and respect. Tuning into this podcast provides more than just advice; it’s an ongoing exploration of how to build and restore harmony through intentional communication. If you’re looking for actionable perspectives that blend wisdom from the realms of society, business, and personal growth, you’ll find a trusted resource here.
Author: Language: English Episodes: 100

Crafting Solutions to Conflict
Podcast Episodes
Resisting and embracing polarities [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 4:33
Polarities represent an ongoing situation. They come in pairs. They are interdependent: you need them both, over time. Easy example: inhale and exhale. Harder: when two people see things differently and each one strongly…
The right questions as well as the right answers [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 4:07
Paraphrasing my most recent guest, Cathy Carroll: coaches work to have all the right questions, not all the right answers. But when this particular challenge is part of an ongoing relationship, it’s wise to focus on ques…
Flexibility requires structure [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 4:41
Structure – of some kind – is an essential element of a model or framework. How would flexibility work without structure? I doubt that you would call it flexibility – the very word suggests a change from something. If th…
Paul Edelman on his COImpAct decision-making model [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 28:52
Paul Edelman talks with me about how he works with clients to make more informed decisions, generating better results. We discuss his proprietary COImpact model, a process for better decision-making. Paul used his experi…
I'm calmer, you're calmer [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 3:54
Our emotions affect the emotions of the person we are talking to in times of stress or conflict. It’s a two-way street. Wildly oversimplifying the neuroscience of it: when we are physically near each other, we are pickin…
Natalie McVeigh on the neuroscience of stress and conflict [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 29:03
Natalie McVeigh joins me to talk about her interest in the study of neuroscience of stress and conflict and how she uses what she continues to learn about human brains, emotions, and stimuli in her work with families as…
The problem with perceptions [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 4:46
My perceptions are mine and yours are yours. Nothing will change that fundamental fact. Our perceptions are – logically and inevitably – deeply affected by our experiences, assumptions, and expectations. When we see impo…
Free resources to learn about conflict [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 5:51
Here are some free resources to learn about conflict: Association for Conflict Resolution is here: https://acrnet.org/Its Greater New York Chapter (ACR-GNY) can be found here: https://www.acrgny.org/ You can sign up for…

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