334: Are you needy? Here’s the difference between neediness and having needs (ft. Jason Lange)

What does it actually mean to be needy? We use the term a lot, and sometimes in less-than-kind ways -- both in terms of describing others as well as ourselves.

Having needs is a universal experiences. Humans, animals, plants, and every living thing has certain needs. Human beings need food, water, and sleep on a biological level -- and we also need love, respect, and a sense of belonging.

If we don't have these needs met, then we have reactions.

In a love relationship, it can feel difficult or even overwhelming to advocate for certain needs to be met -- for example, physical affection, quality one-on-one attention, or sex. Neediness nearly always stems from old wounds, so it can be hard to bring this kind of thing forward with a partner.

The truth is, we're all needy. We all have certain needs, and our partner is not responsible for meeting all of them all of the time. But there's a balance to be had, which involves navigating difference and being willing to hang in there through discomfort.

Here, we explore the themes around sex, dating, relationships, needs, desires, and the nervous system.

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Memorable quotes from this episode:

• "Now it’s about advocating clearly for what I need."
• "There’s a place in relationships for healthy generosity."
• "What would I need to be a ‘yes’ to this?"
• "It this doesn’t shift, I’m going to take a certain action for myself."
• "It can feel like, ‘If it’s not here, I’m doomed.'"