377: How do you overcome the fear of being alone? (ft. Jason Lange & Luke Adler)

"I'm afraid that if I don't do what she wants, she'll leave ... and then I'll be alone."

The truth is, almost all human beings have a visceral, primal fear of being alone. We are social animals, and our survival has depended on inter-connectivity since time immemorial. We fear and are stressed by isolation, separation, and loneliness.

It is also true that this fear of being alone is a driving force behind any number of unhealthy relationship patterns.

When you're afraid of being alone, you're far more likely to compromise your sense of self for someone else. You're more likely to put up with toxic behaviors or staying with partners with untreated Narcissistic Personality Disorder or Borderline Personality Disorder, for example.

Here, we dive into themes around codependence, interdependence, worthiness, fears like, "If I don't have kids, who will take care of me when I'm old?", and how men we know and have worked with have grown into or past these kinds of thoughts.

Because we've witnessed (and experienced ourselves) the power of knowing at a cellular level that you're not alone, and how that can change everything.

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Work with us

Ready to go deeper than the podcast and take action? Jason and I can help you break old patterns and transform your sex & love life for good. To see if you're a fit for our flagship program, Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)

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Memorable quotes from this episode:

• “I was terrified of being alone, and hated it.”
• “They have the awareness, they just don’t know what the f*** to do about it.”
• “The default for many men is talking about pussy, sports, or engines.”
• “I’m in some kind of pain and I don’t know where it’s coming from and I don’t know what to do about it.”
• “This guy has so much on his back, his insides are collapsing… and he has no one to talk about it.”
• “We keep doing the addiction because there’s so much fear of touching what’s underneath it.”
• “Goddamn I was lonely.”
• “I can’t leave this partner because I’d be alone (and they’d be alone).”
• “The work doesn’t occur unless you do it.”
• “It does take a kind of tribal experience to heal.”
• “A part of him got to relax that had never relaxed before.”
• “When you can root someone into their true size, it’s kind of a miracle.”
• “We go deep, and we go deep fast.”
• “Inside of you is an impulse for something more.”
• “You do not have to go alone.”

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Mentioned on this episode:

• melaniecurtin.com/heartofshadow