407: Can't get it up, keep it up, or cum when you want? (ft. Dr. Luke Adler)

407: Can't get it up, keep it up, or cum when you want? (ft. Dr. Luke Adler)

Author: Melanie Curtin April 3, 2026 Duration: 1:04:02

Globally, hundreds of millions of men contend with erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation, and delayed ejaculation. One 2021 US national survey found an overall ED prevalence rate in men of around 24% — that’s nearly one in four.

But even in men’s work spaces (men’s groups, retreats, etc.), one rarely hears these topics discussed. Why?

In a word: shame.

Here, Luke and I debrief our recent course, Sexual Mastery, and what patterns we saw in terms of what it actually takes to heal sexual dysfunction — from ED to delayed ejaculation — in a lasting way.

Spoiler: it's not just a pill or a breathing technique. And it's definitely not about drilling your dick into submission.

We also touch on an unexpected edge that several men had to lean into in order to start having the sex lives they've always wanted, and how your unprocessed grief about your father — yes, really — might have everything to do with your erection.

If you've ever felt like something's off but couldn't name it — or, when it comes to your penis, like you've tried the "logical" fixes and they haven't worked — this one's for you.

---

Work with us

Ready to go deeper than the podcast and take action? Jason and I will help you break old patterns and transform your sex & love life for good. To see if you're a fit for our flagship program, Pillars of Presence, book a call here. Start anytime. (https://evolutionary.men/apply/)

---

Memorable quotes from this episode:

  • "You can't drill the dick into obeying. It requires care."
  • “Shame is one of the most uncomfortable sensations in the body.”
  • “We were going to have to traverse the shadowland.”
  • "What is more insulting to a man, with all of that conditioning, than not being able to have control of your penis? Fuck, if that is not painful."
  • “As one man took the leap … it was an irresistible magnet to pull the next man in.”
  • "I remember thinking: this man's whole life is different now. He cannot go back to the way that things were."
  • “It was probably the most transformative, creative artistic experience I’ve ever been a part of.”
  • "All an emotion is, is cellular vitality and blood flow. At a physical level. At a spiritual level, it's a raw sense of aliveness — your essence vibrating through you."

Melanie Curtin hosts Dear Men: How to Rock Sex, Dating, and Relationships With Women, a space where curiosity meets practical change. This isn't about memorizing pick-up lines or playing games; it's built on the idea that genuine personal growth is the most attractive quality a man can develop. The conversations here move beyond surface-level tips to explore the deeper dynamics of connection, drawing from insights across health, culture, and psychology. You'll hear from women who offer a candid look into what fosters real attraction and lasting partnership, providing a valuable perspective often missing from mainstream advice. Each episode tackles the honest questions and challenges men face, whether navigating early dating, deepening intimacy, or building a resilient marriage. The focus is always on actionable understanding-how to listen, communicate, and show up in ways that are both authentic and effective. Tune in for a podcast that respects your intelligence and meets you where you are, offering a blend of straightforward talk and nuanced discussion that can reshape how you approach every aspect of your life with women. It's for any man ready to move past confusion and toward more meaningful, fulfilling connections.
Author: Language: English Episodes: 100

Dear Men: How to Rock Sex, Dating, and Relationships With Women
Podcast Episodes
337: GirlTalk: Ever felt like she’s testing you? [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 1:17:23
Ever felt like there was a "right" answer to a question a woman asked you, or a "right" way to respond to a situation with her? Did it feel like if you did the "wrong" thing, there would be consequences? Then you've like…
333: Are you addicted to porn? (ft. Jason Lange) [replay] [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 58:05
Do you ever feel ashamed of your porn use, or wish you could stop or cut down? Ever had trouble getting it up and wondered if that's connected to porn use? Ever compared dating partners to women you see in porn, and wond…
331: GirlTalk: Relationship lessons, growth work, and memorable men [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 1:05:09
Ever wondered what different women say when they get really real about their last relationship? How about why they do growth work — and what it looks like for them?Here, I take you behind the curtain to give you a peek a…
330: GirlTalk: How to go down on her so she loves it! [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 1:10:58
If you love having sex with women and want to be known as a great lover, being good at going down is an important part of your repertoire. ;)But it’s not easy to talk about this with anyone, so here we’re laying it bare.…