The False Self: A Tragic Survival Strategy

The False Self: A Tragic Survival Strategy

Author: Mark Ettensohn, Psy.D. December 22, 2024 Duration: 20:55
In this episode, Dr. Ettensohn explores the insights of Alice Miller regarding  emotional abandonment and narcissistic use of the child, focusing on how these early dynamics shape pathological narcissism and Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). Drawing from Miller’s groundbreaking work, Dr. Ettensohn examines how a child growing up in a narcissogenic environment learns to adapt by creating a false self—a facade designed to secure love and avoid rejection in a world where their authentic self is not welcome. The episode explores the function of grandiosity as a defense mechanism—an unconscious strategy to deny the pain of unmet emotional needs—and its counterpart, depression (narcissistic vulnerability), which turns the pain inward. Both defenses serve to protect the individual from confronting a devastating loss: the realization that the love and support they needed was not available. The episode offers a compassionate exploration of how this tragic loss gives rise to the false self, a defense that becomes both a survival strategy and a prison. Through relatable metaphors and clinical insight, Dr. Ettensohn describes the psychological toll of living behind this mask and the challenges of reconnecting with the buried authentic self. Though the loss cannot be undone, healing is possible. By grieving the past and clearing away the defenses, it is possible to rediscover the vibrant, authentic self that has always been there, waiting to emerge. References: Miller, A. (1979) Depression and Grandiosity as Related Forms of Narcissistic Disturbances. International Review of Psychoanalysis 6:61-76 Purchase Unmasking Narcissism: A Guide to Understanding the Narcissist in Your Life here: https://amzn.to/3nG9FgH LISTEN ON APPLE PODCASTS: https://rb.gy/cklpum LISTEN ON GOOGLE PODCASTS: https://rb.gy/fotpca LISTEN ON AMAZON MUSIC: https://rb.gy/g4yzh8   VISIT THE WEBSITE: https://www.healnpd.org

In Heal NPD, clinical psychologist Mark Ettensohn, Psy.D., offers a nuanced and compassionate exploration of narcissism, moving beyond simplistic labels to examine the underlying psychological structures. This podcast delves into the complexities of narcissistic personality disorder and related traits, providing clarity for those who recognize these patterns in themselves or in their relationships. Dr. Ettensohn draws from his specialized therapeutic practice to discuss the origins of narcissistic adaptations, the impact on interpersonal dynamics, and the realistic pathways toward change and healing. Episodes often break down clinical concepts into accessible language, featuring discussions on empathy, identity, shame, and the challenging process of building healthier self-esteem and relational skills. The tone is educational yet deeply human, aiming to reduce stigma and foster understanding. Whether you are a mental health professional, someone personally affected by NPD, or simply curious about personality psychology, this series provides a rare, expert-guided look into a frequently misunderstood area of human behavior. Tune in for a thoughtful perspective that prioritizes psychological science and the possibility of growth.
Author: Language: English Episodes: 62

Heal NPD
Podcast Episodes
Narcissism and Suicide Risk: The Hidden Side of NPD [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 1:06:49
This episode continues the Heal NPD Seminar Series, featuring Dr. Mark Ettensohn and his associates, Deanna Young, Psy.D., and Danté Spencer, M.A. I n this session, the group discusses a recent meta-analytic review exami…
What About Narcissists Who Had a Happy Childhood? [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 14:55
In this episode, Dr. Mark Ettensohn responds to a common question: How can someone with a perfectly normal and mostly happy childhood develop narcissistic personality disorder? The discussion challenges the widespread mi…
Seminar Series 3: Beyond Traits - The Relational roots of NPD [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 53:25
This episode continues the Heal NPD Seminar Series, featuring Dr. Mark Ettensohn and his associates, Deanna Young, Psy.D., and Danté Spencer, M.A. In this session, the group discusses Narcissistic Personality Disorder: P…
It's Time We Discarded The Myth of "The Narcissist" [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 17:30
In this episode, Dr. Mark Ettensohn challenges one of the most persistent distortions in contemporary discourse on narcissism: the myth of “the narcissist.” He explains how this cultural archetype, an image of coldness,…
From Ideal to Real: Lessons From My Father [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 7:35
Dr. Ettensohn reflects on the recent loss of his father. Drawing on both clinical theory and personal experience, he explores how children internalize idealized images of caregivers as a source of safety and reassurance…
Dissociation is Key: Linking Splitting, DID, BPD, and NPD [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 9:31
Dr. Ettensohn expands on his recent episode exploring splitting as a dissociative process. Drawing from clinical experience and developmental theory, he addresses a common question: What’s the difference between splittin…
Signs You're Trapped in a False Self [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 8:12
In this Weekly Insight, Dr. Ettensohn explores subtle signs of false self experiencing. Drawing from clinical work and developmental theory, he reflects on how early relational demands can lead individuals to organize th…