I lost her then i lost me. A raw conversation about grief, loss, and the fear of becoming someone new

I lost her then i lost me. A raw conversation about grief, loss, and the fear of becoming someone new

Author: Liz Deacle and Brian Deacle July 1, 2025 Duration: 1:23:49

What if the hardest part of being real… is letting people see it?

We almost didn't record this. The voice in my head said: Don't show too much. Don't be too much.

But I'm tired of that voice.
Tired of searching for safety instead of being it.

If you haven't yet joined my inner circle of friends, my life-letter readers, please do. You will be the first person I share everything with. I'd love to have you. Go here to join us.

Brian and I recorded this audio-only episode while we were out at a café in Naoussa, Paros.

There's a lot of background noise, people chatting, drills drilling, cars revving—but we left it all in because it felt real.
And that's what this episode is: real.

The sound quality is a bit shit. Apologies. If you like it, and we keep this format, it will improve.

I'm not quite sure what's going on at the moment.

Life feels messy. Confusing. I feel as if something has cracked open in me. Maybe it's grief. Maybe it's the start of a new season. Maybe both. I don't know.

And that's what this episode is: Not knowing. Me, trying to untangle something I can't fully name yet, and Brian offering his ever-wise and patient thoughts.
This episode is about grief—what it looks like when you're in it: the confusion, the uncertainty, the messiness, the ache of something ending, or beginning, or both.

It's also about shame.
About the fear of being seen—really seen.
About how hard it can be to hit publish when you're sharing something vulnerable.
About how I listened back to a recent episode and cringed—not because I wasn't being real, but because I was.

 

This is us, a husband and wife, in the middle of the mess, figuring it out as we go.
If you're in that place too, I hope this episode feels like a warm hand on your back.

Thank you for giving us your time and for offering us this space to figure things out. Please reach out by email. I answer every single message. 

email: liz@itsadrama.com

 

My heart beats with yours.

Kia Kaha.


Liz and Brian x

PS: If you haven't yet joined my inner circle of friends, my life-letter readers, please do. You will be the first person I share everything with. I'd love to have you. Go here to join us.

 

Get Liz's book, ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠THE TRAVEL BOG DIARIES⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠📕 (now available on AUDIO) A hilarious memoir of how Liz and her family travelled the world for a year (with very little money and far too many hormones!)

 

❤️ Like what you heard? Please rate and ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠review the It's a Drama Podcast here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠, or if you are on Spotify, please review us over there. Your short review helps us massively and encourages us to continue!

 

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You might think from the title It's a Drama Podcast that you're in for some heavy theatrics, but it's actually the opposite. Hosted by world traveller and best-selling comedy author Liz Deacle alongside her husband Brian, this is a space for the gloriously unfiltered and often hilarious conversations that happen between two people sharing a life and a suitcase. Each episode feels like pulling up a chair at their kitchen table, where the topics roam freely from travel mishaps and cultural observations to the everyday dramas of family, food, and navigating the second half of life with a sense of humor. Liz and Brian’s candid dynamic is the heart of the podcast, offering a blend of laughter and genuine honesty that makes the personal feel universal. You’ll find yourself in the middle of stories that are both frank and funny, often accompanied by the clink of a wine glass and the admission that adulthood isn't always a dignified affair. It’s less about destination and more about the messy, joyful, and relatable journey, making this a uniquely comforting listen for anyone who appreciates real conversation served with a generous side of comedy.
Author: Language: en-us Episodes: 100

It's a Drama Podcast
Podcast Episodes
Tears in the Toilet. Returning to New Zealand [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 38:40
Liz and Brian are back in New Zealand. They flew from Chiang Mai via Bangkok and China and, thirty hours later, were home in Taranaki, New Zealand. Tucked up in bed. But flying home to NZ didn't go smoothly. In fact, it…
Teeth Fixed, Bones Bent. How we Saved $$ in Thailand [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 48:11
Trusting our Teeth to Thailand and paying to be pummelled. After three weeks in Chiang Mai, Thailand, Liz and Brian are smiling from ear to ear. Their bones have been pummeled, their teeth nicely drilled, and they have a…
Losing it (all) in Thailand [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 57:01
Combining much-needed dental work with a holiday, Liz and Brian left New Zealand and are in Thailand for a month. Brought to you from their bedroom in Chiang Mai, Northern Thailand, they are ready to share the story of h…
Drama in Vegas. (Over) worrying about our 23-yr-old son [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 26:40
Is it Just Me? Wouldn't every mother be the same? Our son is on holiday in Vegas. And of course, there've been a few dramas. What was interesting, though, was how Liz and Brian reacted differently to some worrying news.…
Hor-Moans. Taking Testosterone & resisting the URGE to edit your life [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 47:43
There's been a bit of a to-do in New Zealand this week. A shortage of HRT. Scary stuff... Talking about taking hormone replacement, Brian shares why he takes Testosterone, and the couple discuss their battle to stay true…
Staying. In New Zealand [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 34:58
Stay. This week we were given a huge reminder. Something that changed the way Liz sees things. The stars aligned. Questions were answered. On one sunny morning in New Zealand, suddenly everything made sense. This podcast…
A Month in Thailand? What's to Dread? [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 48:11
Sign up for Liz's FREE 5-day LETTERS. When we booked our month-long trip to Thailand back in May, it seemed like a grand idea. Get away. Change of scenery. Leave the kids. And now, when it's almost time to leave, we're h…
Is this NORMAL? What I wish I'd known about Grief [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 24:48
Sign up for Liz's Five Letters here. Be the help you needed. That's always been my motto. My blueprint. My words-in-guiding-armour that help me forward whenever I feel stuck. Especiaslly in these terrifying times of deep…
Can I stay home forever? Braving normal life while GRIEVING [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 56:37
It's the first time in eight weeks I've left the house. Apart from getting groceries, walking in nature, and spending an hour or two working at our local cafe, my safe place to grieve has been at home. Alone. In this epi…