I lost her then i lost me. A raw conversation about grief, loss, and the fear of becoming someone new

I lost her then i lost me. A raw conversation about grief, loss, and the fear of becoming someone new

Author: Liz Deacle and Brian Deacle July 1, 2025 Duration: 1:23:49

What if the hardest part of being real… is letting people see it?

We almost didn't record this. The voice in my head said: Don't show too much. Don't be too much.

But I'm tired of that voice.
Tired of searching for safety instead of being it.

If you haven't yet joined my inner circle of friends, my life-letter readers, please do. You will be the first person I share everything with. I'd love to have you. Go here to join us.

Brian and I recorded this audio-only episode while we were out at a café in Naoussa, Paros.

There's a lot of background noise, people chatting, drills drilling, cars revving—but we left it all in because it felt real.
And that's what this episode is: real.

The sound quality is a bit shit. Apologies. If you like it, and we keep this format, it will improve.

I'm not quite sure what's going on at the moment.

Life feels messy. Confusing. I feel as if something has cracked open in me. Maybe it's grief. Maybe it's the start of a new season. Maybe both. I don't know.

And that's what this episode is: Not knowing. Me, trying to untangle something I can't fully name yet, and Brian offering his ever-wise and patient thoughts.
This episode is about grief—what it looks like when you're in it: the confusion, the uncertainty, the messiness, the ache of something ending, or beginning, or both.

It's also about shame.
About the fear of being seen—really seen.
About how hard it can be to hit publish when you're sharing something vulnerable.
About how I listened back to a recent episode and cringed—not because I wasn't being real, but because I was.

 

This is us, a husband and wife, in the middle of the mess, figuring it out as we go.
If you're in that place too, I hope this episode feels like a warm hand on your back.

Thank you for giving us your time and for offering us this space to figure things out. Please reach out by email. I answer every single message. 

email: liz@itsadrama.com

 

My heart beats with yours.

Kia Kaha.


Liz and Brian x

PS: If you haven't yet joined my inner circle of friends, my life-letter readers, please do. You will be the first person I share everything with. I'd love to have you. Go here to join us.

 

Get Liz's book, ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠THE TRAVEL BOG DIARIES⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠📕 (now available on AUDIO) A hilarious memoir of how Liz and her family travelled the world for a year (with very little money and far too many hormones!)

 

❤️ Like what you heard? Please rate and ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠review the It's a Drama Podcast here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠, or if you are on Spotify, please review us over there. Your short review helps us massively and encourages us to continue!

 

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You might think from the title It's a Drama Podcast that you're in for some heavy theatrics, but it's actually the opposite. Hosted by world traveller and best-selling comedy author Liz Deacle alongside her husband Brian, this is a space for the gloriously unfiltered and often hilarious conversations that happen between two people sharing a life and a suitcase. Each episode feels like pulling up a chair at their kitchen table, where the topics roam freely from travel mishaps and cultural observations to the everyday dramas of family, food, and navigating the second half of life with a sense of humor. Liz and Brian’s candid dynamic is the heart of the podcast, offering a blend of laughter and genuine honesty that makes the personal feel universal. You’ll find yourself in the middle of stories that are both frank and funny, often accompanied by the clink of a wine glass and the admission that adulthood isn't always a dignified affair. It’s less about destination and more about the messy, joyful, and relatable journey, making this a uniquely comforting listen for anyone who appreciates real conversation served with a generous side of comedy.
Author: Language: en-us Episodes: 100

It's a Drama Podcast
Podcast Episodes
Grief. It looks like this (but feels like that) [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 1:06:30
Lately, when I drop into bed at night, I find myself asking how on earth I got through the last twelve hours. Quite often, I don't remember what I did or half of what I said. Yet, if you passed me in the street, you'd th…
Is This Grief or Depression (and why does no one warn you?) [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 47:11
We weren't going to release this podcast episode. The original plan was to discuss whether, after losing her mum to cancer six weeks ago, the deep sadness Liz is feeling is normal grief (as one would expect) or a worryin…
Goodbye. For now [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 18:19
No description. No words. Just a story. And a thank you. A huge, huge thank you. Thank you for allowing me to share the intimate details of such a sad and heartbreaking time. And for confirming that no matter who we are,…
Unexpected Respite [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 32:35
Wrong. Wrong. And wrong again. You'd think that I'd have learned by now. I've had fifty-three years to practice, after all. But no. Still, I make the mistake of thinking that to make things 'better' and 'easier', I must…
Say it. While you still can [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 34:41
This was one of the hardest podcast episodes I have ever recorded. But it was necessary. I won't watch the recording back because I know for a fact that I'll get cold feet and tell Bri to delete it. So. I hope it's okay…
Troubled Times [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 50:18
Another behind-the-scenes podcast where Liz and Brian share their decision to discuss such personal details about their marriage and life in public (including talking about Liz's mum, who was recently diagnosed with term…
Coping. Or Not. (Behind-the-Scenes) [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 44:42
This week is a behind-the-scenes podcast where Liz explains why she shared a very personal journal entry with three thousand people and the outcome of doing so. Links mentioned in the show: If you aren't yet signed up fo…
Braving Alternative Therapy. Torture or Bliss? [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 59:52
Yesterday, Liz experienced floatation therapy. Spent the day floating in a tank of salt water. Alone. No lights. No sounds. No Bri. This week, the couple discuss the experience and Brian voices his very strong opinions o…
Swanky places & second-rate service. What the?? [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 54:39
In this week's podcast, Liz shares a recent scary memory loss experience on her solo vacation in New Zealand, Brian gets jealous about a bloke named Bernaaard, and the husband and wife couple explores why people love to…
Wayward spending & Angry Reviews [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 44:13
In this week's show, Liz and Brian dive into the world of negative reviews and comments. Brian shares a lifelong criticism, and Liz is irked by her husband spending their millions without asking... Enjoy! Links mentioned…