What if being kinder to yourself doesn't make you less ambitious — but helps you work, recover and live more sustainably?
In this episode of People Soup, I talk to Dr Amanda Super, an occupational and coaching psychologist, author and founder of Creating Compassion. Amanda specialises in self-compassion and compassionate leadership, working with organisations across the public, private and not-for-profit sectors.
Amanda's own journey into this work is fascinating.
At 19, she had flunked her A-levels and was struggling with her confidence. Psychological support helped change the trajectory of her life. Years later, when she became seriously unwell and needed major surgery, a nurse pointed out something Amanda hadn't recognised herself:
"You're being very hard on yourself."
That moment led Amanda to discover self-compassion — and ultimately changed both her personal life and professional direction.
In our conversation, we explore:
- What self-compassion actually means — and what it doesn't mean
- Why we're often caught between threat and drive, with too little access to recovery and soothing
- How workplace culture can reinforce perfectionism, productivity and the pressure to keep going
- The three elements of self-compassion: mindfulness, common humanity and self-kindness
- Whether it's possible to be ambitious and self-compassionate at the same time
- How self-compassion can help us develop healthier boundaries
- What Amanda means by fierce self-compassion
- The costs of constantly criticising ourselves
- Amanda's practical RAIN exercise for difficult moments
- Why recovery is productive
- And why self-compassion might simply give us permission to include ourselves as well as everybody else.
There's also a lovely conversation about Amanda's choice of walk-on music, Here Comes the Sun by The Beatles — a song that reminds her of her grandmother and represents the movement from darkness towards warmth, hope and light.
A practical idea from Amanda
When you notice you're having a strong emotional response to something, pause and ask:
What do I need right now?
Amanda also introduces RAIN:
R — Recognise what's happening
A — Allow the feeling to be present
I — Investigate what's triggered the response
N — Natural awareness
And then, in Amanda's self-compassionate version:
Recognise that anyone would find this difficult, and ask,
How can I be kind to myself right now?
She also leaves us with a simple reminder, recovery can be productive.
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