A Veteran Sex Worker-Turned-Death Doula on Domination, Self-Defense, Sober Sex & Life Lessons from the Dying with Vanessa Carlisle

A Veteran Sex Worker-Turned-Death Doula on Domination, Self-Defense, Sober Sex & Life Lessons from the Dying with Vanessa Carlisle

Author: Courtney Kocak August 5, 2026 Duration: 47:09

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For the 271st episode of Private Parts Unknown, host Courtney Kocak welcomes author, sex educator, longtime sex worker, and death doula Vanessa Carlisle.

After 27 years in sex work and a new foray into death work, Vanessa has a fascinating perspective into professional human connection. In this episode, Vanessa reflects on getting into sex work at 19, becoming a professional dominatrix, how sex work shaped their understanding of intimacy, founding Hooker’s Army to teach self-defense to sex workers, and co-writing Awaken Your Sexuality, a guide to reconnecting with sexuality after trauma and addiction. We also talk about sober sex and learning to communicate what you want without relying on substances, plus Vanessa’s unexpected path to becoming a death doula and what working with the dying has taught them about how to live.

For more Vanessa Carlisle:


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Curious about how desire and intimacy shape lives in different corners of the globe? Private Parts Unknown: Sex & Love Around the World takes you on a journey, guided by host Courtney Kocak, that treats human connection with the same insightful and adventurous spirit as a travel documentary. This isn't a clinical discussion; it's a series of frank, often hilarious, and always sex-positive conversations that peel back the layers on topics many shy away from. Courtney and her expert guests dive into everything from polyamory and sex work to the complexities of PMDD and the cultural nuances of practices like Shibari, all with the goal of destigmatizing the vast spectrum of human experience. The podcast distinguishes itself with dedicated travel series, transporting you to the streets of Mexico City, the design districts of Helsinki, and the neon-lit alleys of Tokyo to explore local seductive subcultures and attitudes firsthand. Each episode feels like a candid chat with well-informed friends, blending personal narrative with global perspective. You'll come away from this podcast with a deeper understanding of how love, gender, and relationships are lived and celebrated worldwide, all while being thoroughly entertained. It’s for anyone who believes the most fascinating landscapes are often the intimate ones we carry within us and build with others.
Author: Language: English Episodes: 50

Private Parts Unknown: Sex & Love Around the World
Podcast Episodes
Why Finns Hate Small Talk, Love Getting Naked Together & Have an Island Fantasy with Elisabeth Lovman [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 58:46
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10-Year Anniversary Special: Celebrating the Evolution of Private Parts Unknown [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 54:45
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Inside Belizean Culture: Sex, Kink, Drugs, Feminism & Passport Privilege with Lyra Spang of Taste Belize [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 46:10
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Breaking Belize’s Sex Toy Taboo with Sex Educator Luanne Daniels [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 43:15
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How Caleb Orozco Won the Fight to Decriminalize Gay Sex in Belize & Changed LGBTQ+ Rights Across the Caribbean [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 1:05:36
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Abortion Doula Hannah Matthews on Bodily Autonomy, Shame & Pleasure in a Post-Roe America [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 55:42
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"Girl Gone Wild" Author Courtney Kocak on Exhibitionism, Exploitation & Sexual Agency with Jacqueline LeKachman [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 34:57
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Porn Star Jennifer White on Winning AVN, Awards Politics, Her MILF Era, Marriage & Taking Control Behind the Camera [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 24:08
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From Sex Cult Survivor to Holistic Porn Purveyor: Inka Winter’s Journey to Redefining Pornography with ForPlay Films [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 21:07
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From Sex Cult Survivor to Holistic Porn Purveyor: Inka Winter’s Journey to Redefining Pornography with ForPlay Films [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 22:52
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