SWM 125 – Rethinking “Duty Sex”

SWM 125 – Rethinking “Duty Sex”

Author: Jay Dee - Marriage Educator March 22, 2024 Duration: 15:06

SWM 125 - Rethinking Duty Sex. Check out the blog post here for more details and links.

I've had a lot of conversations with couples as well as husbands and wives individually lately about what often gets called "duty sex" or "pity sex." For those who don't know, duty/pity sex is when one spouse gives in to sex, not because they desire it themselves, but because their spouse does. They might have sex for many reasons, including feeling obligated, pressured, guilty, to keep the peace or to "get them off their back."

The problem is that these negative reasons are often the only ones considered, and so any situation in which one spouse wants sex and the other agrees to it without having an internal desire of their own is seen as unfavourable.

But there are some excellent reasons to have what's commonly considered "duty sex" or "pity sex," and often, the conflicts I see in marriages are not that it's because of those reasons I mentioned above but instead about something positive and loving.

So, in this podcast episode, we're going to talk about reframing duty sex in those situations.

Follow us on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter

If you'd like to discuss the questions as they come in, consider joining our private forum.

Thank you to all our faithful supporters!

If you like that there are no ads in our podcast and want to keep it that way, check out our support page for more info.  Even $5/month makes a difference.

Lastly, if you like our podcast, click here to give us a rating, and leave us a review. They help others know this is a good resource to help with their marriage. You managed to find us, help someone else do the same and receive the same benefits to their relationship.


Marriage brings together two whole people, each with their own history, beliefs, and questions, especially when it comes to physical intimacy. Sex Within Marriage Podcast : Exploring Married Sexuality from a Christian Perspective is a space where those often unspoken questions find thoughtful, practical answers. Hosted by Jay Dee, a Marriage Educator, these conversations move beyond simplistic advice to explore the real, sometimes messy, intersection of faith, love, and physical connection. You’ll hear discussions that treat sexuality as a integral part of a holistic marriage, touching on spiritual, emotional, and even physical health. This podcast acknowledges the unique challenges and profound beauty of building a sexually fulfilling life within a committed, covenantal relationship. It’s not about quick fixes, but about fostering deeper understanding and connection. Episodes delve into topics ranging from communication and desire to navigating differences and healing, all through a lens that values both biblical wisdom and compassionate realism. Whether you’re newly married or decades in, this resource offers a grounded, hopeful perspective for couples seeking to nurture this vital aspect of their life together. Tune in for honest dialogue that aims to strengthen marriages from the inside out.
Author: Language: en-us Episodes: 100

Sex Within Marriage Podcast : Exploring Married Sexuality from a Christian Perspective
Podcast Episodes
SWM 139 – Why won’t my spouse do x – I would do it for them [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 18:28
SWM 139 - Why won't my spouse do x? I would do it for them. Check out the blog post here for more details and links.Recently, I’ve noticed a question popping up all over the place. It’s come up in our supporter forum, co…
BDSM Survey Results [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 29:23
SWM 138 - BDSM Survey Results. Check out the blog post here for more details and links.During July and a bit of August, we ran a survey about people’s BDSM experiences. Depending on who you ask, it was either extensive o…
SWM 137 – Why we don’t spank our children [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 17:56
SWM 137 - Why we don't spank our children. Check out the blog post here for more details and links.Last week, Gary Thomas posted an article on his substack on the topic of discipline vs. punishment—not taking a stance bu…
SWM 135 – It’s good to try new things [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 16:43
SWM 135 - It's good to try new things. Check out the blog post here for more details and links.Most kids, when growing up, enter a picky stage at some point. Some when they’re toddlers, some when they’re young children,…
SWM 133 – Loving your spouse where they are [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 10:27
SWM 133 - Loving your spouse where they are. Check out the blog post here for more details and links.I often give beginner homework to my coaching clients. A few of them will likely read this and think, “He was talking a…
SWM 132 – Breast implants and body image issues [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 9:59
SWM 132 - Breast implants and body image issues. Check out the blog post here for more details and links.This episode I'm answer a question I received back in February that I forgot to answer. Here's the question:Hi! To…
SWM 131 – Tips to fight more effectively [not-audio_url] [/not-audio_url]

Duration: 8:56
SWM 131 - Tips to fight more effectively in your marriage. Check out the blog post here for more details and links.Last week, I shared a list of ideas our Couple’s Night group had that helped build a resilient marriage.…