SWM 143 – Redefining sex – How to have a thriving sex life despite sexual dysfunction

Redefining sex - How to have a thriving sex life despite sexual dysfunction. Check out the show notes here for more details and links.

I feel like I have some explaining to do. A couple of weeks ago, I shared that lately, Christina and I have started having sex a lot more than usual. We had more sexual encounters last month than there were days in the month. We’re at about 30 for this month already.

This has led to some questions by some people. I wrote a large thread in our supporter’s forum to try and answer them all and thought it might be helpful here. Because it goes beyond just an “ask me anything” sort of post. It’s really about how we’ve adapted sex to deal with sexual dysfunction in a way that’s not only positive but actually ends up being more fun and connecting than I think most people’s sex lives are.

I’m going to try to adapt a forum thread into a post and see how it goes. If you want to read the original, then you have to become a supporter, and you can search for the thread called “Sex with erectile dysfunction and delayed ejaculation” because there’s more to the thread than this topic, but I’m just pulling out the topic I wanted to hit today in this post.

To start off, we’ve dealt with some sexual dysfunction for our entire marriage. Christina has had vaginismus (pain during penetration). I deal with erectile dysfunction most of the time and also delayed ejaculation, which means it’s hard for me to orgasm. Christina also suffers from post-coital depression, which means after she has an orgasm, she tends to get depressed for the next day or two.

As such, we’ve had to redefine sex. Most people, I find, tend to have a fairly narrow expression of sex. They often have the same routine - some sort of initiation, some sort of foreplay during which the wife might orgasm, then penetration until he orgasms, then they’re done.