Limerence vs Love: Why We Obsess Over Emotionally Unavailable People

Limerence vs Love: Why We Obsess Over Emotionally Unavailable People

Author: Dr. Nazanin Moali, Ph.D, Psychology of Sex | Couple Therapy | Sex Education June 9, 2026 Duration: 25:39

Welcome to Episode 494 of the Sexology Podcast! Today I am excited to be joined by Amanda McCracken, who speaks to me about breaking the cycle of infatuation, limerence, perfectionism, and longing for emotionally unavailable love.


In this episode, Amanda shares the deeply personal story behind her book When Longing Becomes Your Lover and how writing the book helped her understand the dating patterns that kept pulling her toward unavailable partners. We speak to the difference between real love and the emotional intensity that often pretends to be love, particularly when anxiety and fear and the chase become familiar aspects of attraction.


Amanda McCracken is an award-winning journalist passionate about experiences that highlight the intersection of wellness, travel, and relationships. Her work has appeared in the New York Times, Washington Post, Guardian, Vogue, National Geographic, NPR, Elle, Outside, Self, Runner's World, ESPN, and many others. She published her first essay about longing in 2013 which led to additional articles featuring anecdotes and deep research and interviews with the BBC and Katie Couric. 


In this episode, you will hear:


  • Understanding Limerence And Infatuation
  • Chasing Emotionally Unavailable Partners
  • Mistaking Anxiety For Love
  • Purity Culture And Sexual Boundaries
  • Hookup Culture And Uncertainty
  • The Role Of Social Media
  • Listening To The Body
  • Building Trust Before Love
  • Choosing Consistency Over Intensity
  • Breaking The Cycle Of Longing


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Curiosity about human sexuality is universal, yet finding grounded, evidence-based conversations can be surprisingly difficult. That’s where Sexology comes in. Hosted by clinical psychologist and sex therapist Dr. Nazanin Moali, this weekly series moves beyond sensationalism and stigma to bring you thoughtful dialogues with leading experts, researchers, and therapists. Each episode delves into the nuanced psychology of sex, intimacy, and relationships, translating complex findings into relatable insights. You’ll hear conversations that address the questions many ponder but hesitate to voice, covering everything from desire and communication to the science of pleasure and emotional connection. Dr. Moali’s background in both couple therapy and sex education ensures these discussions are both academically rigorous and deeply practical. Rather than offering quick fixes, this podcast provides a compassionate space to understand the multifaceted nature of our sexual selves. Tuning in feels like gaining access to a candid, confidential forum where nothing is off-limits and everything is examined with respect and intellectual curiosity. For anyone seeking to deepen their understanding of personal or relational dynamics, Sexology offers a trusted, enlightening resource that demystifies the complexities of human sexuality through a scientific and therapeutic lens.
Author: Language: English Episodes: 50

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