In this episode, I'm talking with Alex Grendi, a men's intimacy and confidence coach who spent years quietly numbing his own performance anxiety before he understood what was actually driving it. Alex is a former professional soccer player, and he opens up about carrying performance anxiety into the bedroom long before he ever had sex, shaped almost entirely by porn and movies telling him he'd better be good at it or be humiliated for it.
We get into why the confidence he built on the field never carried into intimacy, how getting sober forced him to actually look at how he was showing up with women, and how a friend mentioning a book on Taoist sexuality sent him down the path to becoming a sex coach himself. Alex breaks down the mindset shift, not just the technique, that actually resolves performance anxiety, and we talk candidly about the sexual scripts most men are following without realizing it, why heterosexual sex still gets treated as over the moment the man finishes, and the one question, "can I kiss you?", that changes everything in the bedroom and that almost no one asks. I even share a recent dating experience of my own where I could feel a partner running his script in real time.
This is part one of a two-part conversation, so stay close for part two next week.
‼️ Join the waitlist for my upcoming coaching program for midlife men HERE.
In This Episode:
0:00 – You're Not the Only One Staying Silent
0:16 – Welcome to Taboo to Truth
0:42 – Meet Alex Grendi, the Men's Intimacy Coach Who Used to Numb It All
1:31 – From Pro Soccer to the Bedroom: Alex's Unlikely Path
2:30 – Where His Performance Anxiety Actually Came From
4:45 – Discovering Taoist Sexuality and What a Sex Coach Actually Is
7:52 – Finding the Courage to Book That First Call
9:30 – The Real Fix Isn't a Technique, It's a Mindset Shift
10:49 – Newsletter
11:08 – Why Field Confidence Never Transferred to the Bedroom
12:06 – The Sexual Script: Why Men Think They're Supposed to Already Know
13:39 – Karen's Own Story: Shutting Down When a Partner Ran His Script
14:51 – Why "Can I Kiss You?" Is the Sexiest Question a Man Can Ask
17:30 – Teaching Men to Lead by Asking, Not Assuming
19:23 – Part Two Is Coming
To watch the video version of this episode, head over to YouTube!
About The Guest:
Alex Grendi is a men's intimacy and confidence coach who helps men reconnect with their bodies, expand their capacity for pleasure, and build deeper emotional and physical connection with their partners. His coaching blends ancient practices, practical exercises, and a simple step-by-step process, supported by direct guidance and a community of men on the same journey. Alex's work empowers men to move past shame, rebuild self-trust, and create meaningful, lasting intimacy in their relationships.
Connect with Alex Grendi:
Website: https://www.alexgrendi.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/alex.grendi
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@Alex.Grendi
About The Host:
Karen Bigman, a Sexual Health Alliance Certified Sex Educator, Life, and Relationship Coach. She tackles the often-taboo subject of sexuality with a straightforward and candid approach. On this show, we explore the intricacies of sex in midlife, offering insights and support for all those experiencing this transformative phase.
This podcast is not intended to give medical advice. Karen Bigman is not a medical professional. For any medical questions or issues, please visit your licensed medical provider.
Looking for some fresh perspective on sex in midlife? You can find me here:
Email: karen@taboototruth.com
Website: https://www.taboototruth.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/taboototruth
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@taboototruthpodcast
Substack: https://karenbigman.substack.com
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