In part two of my conversation with men's coach Mike Elliott, we get into how couples actually reconnect and rebuild intimacy after a sexless marriage, low desire, or years of disconnection in midlife. Mike walks me through the nervous system work, attachment science, and couples practice he uses to help men move past shame and disconnection in their relationship.
Part two is where Mike gives us the actual practice. If you haven't watched part one yet, start there, since everything here builds on it directly.
Mike walks me through his golden rule: move at the pace of connection, not the pace of friction. We get specific about what that looks like between two people, breathing together, gazing at each other before anything else happens, slowing down instead of rushing toward the end goal, and why so many men only find their way into this work once a marriage is already breaking. He talks about the "little boy" still running the show in a lot of grown men, why erectile difficulty is almost never really about the body, and why he believes healing happens in proximity to other men who've already done the work themselves.
We also get into why a sexless marriage is never one partner's problem to fix alone, what happens to a relationship once the early hormone rush fades around the 18-month mark, and the "we language" Mike and his partner Courtney built their entire practice around. I close it out with my three rapid-fire questions: his definition of sex, his best orgasm, and the one fantasy he hasn't lived out yet.
In This Episode:
0:00 – The Six-Figure Life With a Silent Bedroom
0:10 – Welcome to Taboo to Truth
0:36 – Welcome Back to Part Two
1:32 – The Golden Rule: Move at the Pace of Connection, Not Friction
4:25 – Why Sex Is the Most Vulnerable Place We Go
5:10 – Radical Transparency: How Men Actually Start This Work
8:55 – When She Feels His Energy Leaking Somewhere Else
9:43 – It's Never a "You Problem," It's a "We Problem"
11:16 – The Honeymoon Hormones (And Why the Real Work Starts After)
12:16 – Learning "We Work": Moving Toward Instead of Pulling Away
13:49 – Can You Really Stay With One Person for Life?
14:33 – The Sacred We: Building a Language for the Long Haul
17:30 – Sacred Relationship and the Maturity That Creates Real Attraction
18:50 – Mike's Closing Advice: Pace of Connection, Not Pace of Ambition
20:53 – Three Rapid-Fire Questions: Sex, Best Orgasm & Unfulfilled Fantasy
23:07 – Where to Find Mike & Wrap-Up
To watch the video version of this episode, head over to YouTube!
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About The Guest:
Mike Elliott is a Relational Leadership Mentor and Men's Initiation Guide, working with men who want to have it all. He guides them to lead with Relational Authority™—anchored in initiation, integration, and inspiration. Having been adopted twice and walked through the dark night of divorce, he rebuilt his life from the inside out. Now co-host of "The Sacred We," he helps men transform their relationships—starting with themselves—and create legacies of love, presence, and purpose.
Connect with Mike Elliott:
Website: www.itsmikeelliott.com
Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/mikeelliott.relating/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/itsmikeelliott
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@thetogetherpodcast
The Sacred We Podcast: https://open.spotify.com/show/7EqHPtL9DovzPtazag8QO1?si
About The Host:
Karen Bigman, a Sexual Health Alliance Certified Sex Educator, Life, and Relationship Coach. She tackles the often-taboo subject of sexuality with a straightforward and candid approach. On this show, we explore the intricacies of sex in midlife, offering insights and support for all those experiencing this transformative phase.
This podcast is not intended to give medical advice. Karen Bigman is not a medical professional. For any medical questions or issues, please visit your licensed medical provider.
Looking for some fresh perspective on sex in midlife? You can find me here:
Email: karen@taboototruth.com
Website: https://www.taboototruth.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/taboototruth
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@taboototruthpodcast
Substack: https://karenbigman.substack.com
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