In this episode, I'm kicking off season 7 — and marking 200 episodes of Taboo to Truth — with one of the topics that comes up in my practice more than almost anything else: sexless marriages. From the outside, a relationship can look completely fine — you're raising kids, running a household, laughing together — while almost nothing is happening behind the bedroom door, sometimes for months or years.
I break down five real reasons marriages and long-term relationships go sexless, and why it's almost never as simple as losing attraction. I start with what happens when one partner shuts the conversation down completely rather than simply saying no to sex in the moment, and how that silence lets both partners write their own, often painful, story about what it means.
I get into the mental load that quietly kills desire, in women and in men, and why "why don't you want me?" is usually the wrong question to ask. I talk about what it looks like when someone has lost touch with their own erotic identity so completely they can't answer what turns them on anymore, and why exploration, not pressure, is the way back in. I also get honest about porn, sex toys, and AI companionship: when they expand a sex life versus when they quietly start to replace it, and what I call the "secret garden," the private sexual world a partner can build without the other ever knowing.
I close with why the sex talk can never be a one-time conversation, my framework for balanced sexuality — sensation, relationship, and fantasy — and why a sexless relationship is not automatically a loveless or a doomed one.
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In This Episode:
0:00 – When Sex Just Stops
0:38 – Welcome to Season 7: Today's Topic, Sexless Marriages
1:20 – What Sexless Looks Like From the Outside
1:52 – Consent, Entitlement & Why This Still Matters
2:19 – Reason 1: When One Partner Shuts Down the Conversation
4:07 – Reason 2: Mental Load, Stress & Hormonal Changes
5:39 – Reason 2 Continued: Low Desire in Men
6:31 – Reason 3: Losing Touch With Your Own Pleasure
7:30 – Exploring Desire Without Pressure + Sponsor: ARIA
8:44 – Reason 4: Porn & Sex Toys as a Crutch
9:54 – Reason 4 Continued: AI Companionship & Intimacy
10:39 – Reason 5: Treating the Sex Talk as a One-Time Conversation
11:16 – Why Sexual Communication Has to Be Ongoing
12:32 – The Balanced Sexuality Framework
13:40 – Sexless Doesn't Mean Loveless: Final Thoughts
14:11 – Final thoughts
To watch the video version of this episode, head over to YouTube!
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About The Host:
Karen Bigman, a Sexual Health Alliance Certified Sex Educator, Life, and Relationship Coach. She tackles the often-taboo subject of sexuality with a straightforward and candid approach. On this show, we explore the intricacies of sex in midlife, offering insights and support for all those experiencing this transformative phase.
This podcast is not intended to give medical advice. Karen Bigman is not a medical professional. For any medical questions or issues, please visit your licensed medical provider.
Looking for some fresh perspective on sex in midlife? You can find me here:
Email: karen@taboototruth.com
Website: https://www.taboototruth.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/taboototruth
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@taboototruthpodcast
Substack: https://karenbigman.substack.com
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